Ironic Truths and Oxymorons

1.  Common sense is not so common anymore.

2.  Lowfat sugar free dairy free gluten free Chocolate Cream Pie.

3.  Tolerance only means you tolerate the intolerant, who don't tolerate you.

4.  Public Schools are locked, all of the time, therefore, not open to the public.  Just sayin'.

5.  Teenage wisdom .... only they know they're right.  Shhhh.... don't tell 'em.

6.  Life's little mysteries should remain as such.

7.  Christ died for my sin, yet I keep sinning....what's up with that?

8.  God forgives me when I sin .... Thank God!

9.   When life gives me lemons, I bitch about it, because I don't like lemonade.  Go figure.

10.  Life is NOT a bowl of cherries, but yet a bucket full of crap mostly.  You must learn to make compost in order to make something grow.

11.  Gay, not-so-gay, waiters at that restaurant, you know who you are, are just lying so they can look down your shirt without getting bitch slapped.  He doesn't have the foggiest idea of what jeans you need, girl, he just wants to see your booty!  lol!

12.  I love my love/hate relationship with my life.  Odd.  I know.  I love the people, I hate the dishes and the laundry.

13.  In my suffering, I will find joy, the ultimate joy of my God, my Lord and Savior, who will be with me at all times.  Joy, in my suffering.

Houston, we have a problem....

Parenting.  So some of us became parents by what we thought were mistakes (this is a word that makes God giggle).  Some of us became parents by planning, saving, reading and performing a certain time of the month to be able to produce a child (God still laughing).  Some of us became parents by the aide of a few extra hormones and checking your temperature and calling your hubby to say, "hurry home, dear!"  And some became parents by other means, adoption, ivf, ai and etc.  Regardless of how we got here, there are little people or, maybe by now, big people who rely on us to be good parents.  Now, good parenting is like the definition of love or success or other ambiguous words, it all depends on the person. 

Most of you know that I do not invest in television enhancers like satellite or cable or even a converter box, but when I'm at my sister's house I break down for the occasional Clean House or Criminal Minds or a quick sweep of HLN.  While checking in with what's new on the news, a story came across the air about the barefoot bandit.  If you don't know of his antics, it's quite odd.  He was just caught a few days ago after being on the run for two years since the age of 17.  This all after he "borrowed" and flew a plane by himself, stole a boat and made a few, over 70, uninvited entries to homes and businesses.  What does this have to do with parenting?  Well, in a stroke of genius the producers of CBS thought it would be a plus to the story to interview the Bandit's mom.  When asked about her son, she is quoted as saying:

"When the cops come and bother me that's when I think 'run Colton run, fly Colton fly.' I'm proud that he taught hisself how to fly," she told CBS News. "I just want to hug him," she said. "I'm proud that he can fly planes with no lessons. You're damn right I am."

She has recently signed a book deal and hired an entertainment lawyer.

"If anyone profits from this thing it should be me and Colt," she said.

Um.  Not sure what to say to that.  I guess finding the good in every situation is noteworthy these days.....Houston........................................

What tubal ligation and Satanic practices have in common

Almost 11 years ago, my husband and I, with no counseling or basically no thought to it, decided that we didn't want anymore children.  I honestly don't think we really even talked much about it.  It was more like a conversation on the same intensity of what to buy at the grocery store.  We were so grown up back then....NOT.  We thought we'd take control of that by having the doctor's nip and tuck a little on my fallopian tubes after my daughter was born.  I must say for me it was great the first few months knowing that the percentage of me walking out of my master bedroom (or the kitchen for that matter) and being pregnant was pretty insignificant.   Thank you!  No more babies!  We have 5 and yes, we know what causes that.  Anyway, I really thought it was nothing major doing that to my body.

(Satanic laugh inserted here) Hahahahahahahaha (throwing head back with wild look in my eyes).

WTfrick!  All you ladies out there who have had this done and didn't tell or run yelling and screaming to let me know what this was going to mean should be ashamed of yourselves!  There was nothing really physically wrong with me to warrant me having to not go through another pregnancy, besides my vanity and just plain inconvenience being in question.

Now, in my defense, having had 5 kids in a 10 year period didn't leave much time to PMS much around my hubby and kids.  I only remember that I wasn't very hard to live with altogether during those times.  BUT.....after my "operation" I started noticing changes in my mood.  Of course, like any natural girl going through PMS, you just blame it on everyone else's attitudes and inability to compromise.  But you don't understand really.  I could honestly take down Switzerland with this bad boy every month.  No, really, I know they are a neutral country, but one round of PMS with me while visiting there, they would be a changed place.  I could melt snow off the alps with this attitude.  And all in the name of PMS.  Hey that gets ladies off of the death penalty from what I hear!  When that comes on in my house you can hear the footsteps clamor for the closest dark room where they can't be found by me.  Of course, there is a reasoning for my over dramatizations and it's pretty much someone else's fault and I can prove it.  I can totally validate my point of view and don't even dare to mention that maybe I should rethink this in a few days when this "pms" thing blows over cause then you're going down!

The bad thing is that I can feel it coming.  I can tell when the @#$% is gonna hit the fan and I pretty much can't stop it, plus I just don't care.  I can tear you to pieces and while you lay comatose in your hospital bed a few days later can visit you and bring you flowers and read the comics section of the paper like nothing happened.

Why a few cauterized sections of my innerds would change my behavior is beyond me.  Plus, I just don't care what you think.  Yes, I do, no, I don't, hell, I don't know.  Check back with me in a few days!

A little life remodeling

It's never good for my hubby to leave me alone by physically leaving town for a few days.  When this happens I have way too much time to think to myself which pretty much gets me in trouble.  But it makes for blog content.

So, in the past week, I've decided that those things that I felt I could pretty much hide about myself are actually billboard signs I wear across my derierre.  You know the signs like, "kick me" that people used to put on your back.  You didn't know they were there, but everyone else did and they'd let out that little giggle when you passed by.  You constantly cleaned out your teeth thinking you had broccoli in them, but then you realize you hadn't eaten broccoli or anything good for you in a at least a month.

Well, I'm next for that Extreme Soul Makeover apparently.  Now everyone will know I have a weight problem now that Ms. Abs pointed out at lunch that she and I struggle with our weight.  What?!  Like you can see that?  Damn, I thought I was hiding that in my spanks!  I love you Abs.  And then there's that sexy little tart, J, that gently and oh-so-lovingly told me that I was being worked on by Jesus in the "how to handle relationships" section, too.  What?!  You can see my imperfections?  Dang it all, I thought I was hiding that in my spanks....um, well, no, I mean behind my "I'm fines" and "I'm greats".  You don't know how much I feel like a middle school girl right now.  I'm evil.  I love you J.

Yes, I am looking to the ultimate General Contractor himself to help me out, because NOW its obvious to everyone where I need work.  I could, if I had the money, "get some work done" to take care of those "thunder thighs", an endearing term my sister came up with when we were in high school.  But then, I would still eat like Lindsay Lohan in the dark!  Who am I kidding.  It is a heart issue.  One that needs mending and molding and shaping into a person who really gives a rats behind what her behind looks like.  And I could go out and find people who would agree with my wholeheartedly that I have tried my best to be a friend, but I know deep down that my mother would make me eat an entire bar of soap, because that's a big fat lie.  And besides, it wouldn't call for me to change or for God to work in me.  I don't know how to do relationships well, duh, that's no lie.

Do it now, God.  Rip out the old smelly carpet.  Take down the tacky wallpaper.  Scrape the recesses of my heart to the bare wood and give me a fresh, new coat of paint.  Remember, I like bold colors.  I'm a winter.

My first order of business tonight when I returned home from working all day was to hurry and delete my last post.  I felt as though I may have come across as rude and indignant based on the comments, but I didn't delete it because I AM rude and indignant and God is working on me.  Just so everyone knows, I don't yell at my friends and in all honesty I come across in confrontational conversation as somewhat of a push over.  I hate confrontation.  I never actually got to talk about anything.  All I said was, "I'm disappointed."  And it ended a beautiful season in my life.  Not because of their comment, but because of my disappointment.  And God is working on that with me.

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

You know they say the biggest test of a marriage is to build or remodel a house together.  This remodeling job is going to be a life long.  Good thing my hubby loves me no matter what.

People pleaser and my selfish desire

Why is it that we humans are fueled in propulsion by our emotions?  This isn't a surprise to us.  It is obvious that we all have them.  The one thing that has been playing in my head recently is truth in emotions.  Not "truth in love" but in emotions.  Are they true?  How can we tell?  When do we act on them or when do we ignore them and wait til they calm down?  But mostly, how do we react to them?  Some set out to say things on purpose to make us feel guilty, sad, mad, depressed, angry.  Some speak truth to us and we decide to be convicted in the truth because we know they love us.  I find it hard for me to feel conviction instead of defensiveness.  That is the very fine line.  I want to listen better.

I harbor a grudge.  I know, you're dumbfounded.  Me?  A grudge?  How could that be possible?  Yea, I see your tongue in your cheek when asking!  My grudge is from unresolved feelings of sadness, betrayal, mistrust, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I had resolved to discussion.  An adult to adult, what I thought was good friend to good friend discussion.  Yea, well, that didn't work.  I was shut down from the start of my conversation with a resounding and quite hurtful comment about not loving them.  I was frankly shocked.  With all that we had been through, all that we had done together, feelings shared, prayers, fervent prayers for each other and our families over years of friendship how could that be the first thing that pops into their head that I don't love them?  We've never spoken about this subject again and it eats away at me every time I think about my friend.  Simply because I miss them.  I miss them more than you can imagine.  I miss the fantasy of the friendship I was having.  I became well aware that the feelings did not go both ways and I'm sad.  I can't really see what I'm typing right now because I'm bawling like a baby.  It still hurts months later.  I see them occasionally but our relationship is based on a very superficial plane.  That's where they need it, I guess.

I'm a pretty real person.  To my own detriment I lay it all out there for the world to see and sometimes the world is cruel.  I don't know about truth in my emotions anymore.  I'm just gonna chalk it up to PMS 365 days a year.  Hey, if its a good argument in court cases then I should be able to ride this wave forever!!!!  

Patsy Clairmont, a speaker with Women of Faith, was giving a small devotion on the radio station I listen to and she was talking on this subject.  How do you know when you're supposed to approach someone about what God is telling you to say? How do you know its God and not your own misguided selfishness?  She said, "If you can't wait to tell that person, then it's probably your own selfish desire to want to speak the truth, but if you have prayed about this and still have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that won't go away then you are most likely getting a urge from God to talk to them."  I know it sounds odd, if it's painful it probably has God behind it!?  Really?  She's right, unfortunately for me.  You see the fear of the pain keeps me from wanting to ever confront this friend, but the pain in my  heart now makes it impossible to keep up this relationship because it hurts to talk to them, or see them without feeling those feelings again.

1 Corinthians 10: 31-33 says, " So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

Sometimes "to the glory of God" isn't pretty.  Sometimes my "pleasing everybody" is just downright wrong.  Sometimes seeking my own good keeps me from things too painful.  What now?  Because I don't want to care anymore.  I think I'm too far gone on this one.

Dear God, help me now.  I love my friend.  What now?  Amen.

The art of Embracing

Remember growing up and wrapping your arms and legs around your mom or dad or grandma or grandpa?  That place that you trusted was safe to cry and hold on tight, knowing that they would make it all ok?  Some may not have ever known this kind of embrace, I am well aware of this cruel world and how sometimes we can get a little screwed up here.  But this is the kind of embrace I think it'll be in heaven.  The one where you and God make eye contact and he sweeps you off your feet and he hugs you like never before and you just hang on tight.  And then he says, "Welcome home."  

I love this video.  It sums up every emotion that an armed service family goes through.  I encourage you to take that intimate journey while watching the faces turn from happy to shock to overwhelming joy.  I cry every time.  I'm a sucker.  God bless!

Click Here for the video. 

What I want

1. A new car that gets a gajillion miles to the gallon of biodiesel fuel.

2.  Honesty like an 8 year old who can say to a teenage girl, "You better be glad you're a woman, cause you get to stay inside the house and work.  Not like us men that have to work in the heat!"  Oh the wise words of a man....

3.  Body of me when I was 22 the day I married my sweet husband!

4.  A huge honkin' momma-jomma chocolate cake!  Ironic that this come directly after the #3 want?  Doubtful.

5.  A high powered assault rifle to rid my garden of those oh-so-cute bunnies and my yard of the psychotic cat bird that pecks the fur off my cat!

6.  Willpower to do what I already know I'm supposed to be doing instead of blogging.

7.  My hubby.  He is away doing God's work, dang it all, on a mission trip.  No, really, I'm fine with it, but my bed is very cold and coffee sucks!

8.  More time to be a friend, a GOOD friend to those I know and love.

So, let's recap:

Flintstone SUV, truth, supermodel thighs, cake, firearm, willpower, my bestest friend, and time.  Yep.  That pretty much sums it up!

What I'm capable of attaining on this list today:

Chocolate cake.  
Yea, I guess life's not so bad afterall!

God bless your day!