Mountains and mole hills

I just had to record this in cyber infamy today that I actually got up by myself with no mental torture and placed running shoes on my feet and went running and.... wait for it..... I actually enjoyed it.  This. Is. Huge.  I never like to run.  I moan and complain and whine and talk ugly to my insides until I am done usually.  But not today.

I'd like to say I've come a long way in this area and that it'll change from here on out, but I know that is not the case.  I'm glad I went, don't get me wrong.  I am very excited that I wasn't miserable and that I actually ran the entire workout without cheating or stopping at all.  But I am not kidding myself here.

What usually happens in my life is that those things that I once made mountains out of mole hills become mole hills again when I am facing a much bigger mountain on the horizon.  I ran the mountain today, but not the one I was supposed to run.  I picked the one that seemed not so daunting and much more doable.  My faults are many in this area.  My mountain is bigger and bigger everyday because I don't face it and go to the top and conquer it.  I just choose to take the trail that leads me up the mole hill, that once used to be my colossal mountain.  It's kind of like when you're a kid and you're riding your bike and you pop a wheely and your tire comes off the ground maybe an inch but you think it you suddenly reached Evil Knievil status!  It seems much bigger than it really is but you keep doing it because you think you're awesome.  Ok, strange analogy...

I don't want to hike that mountain that I have raised in my life.  I don't want to approach it.  I don't even like looking at it from a distance in reverent beauty.  It's ugly.  It has no trees.  It's rocky and full of loose rocks.  It can't be tamed.  It can't be overtaken without pain and suffering on my part.  I will need to sacrifice things in my life that I don't want to sacrifice.  I will have to face the things that scare me the most, relationships, finances and service, just to mention a few.  When I look at this gargantuan piece of my journey it makes me not like myself at all.  It casts a shadow that ironically lights up those things in my personality that are unattractive and harsh and disgusting.

(Wow, this is such an uplifting post, right?  I'm not even PMSing!!!  Hahaha...)

I know I have to face this part of myself that is not living up to giving God the glory.  I know I must surrender to grace and mercy and start dishing it out in my life.  When I was running this morning and listening to my music a song came on that had lyrics so simple, so amazingly beautiful and just what I needed.  There is a line that says, "give your all to Jesus, there is freedom".  Not give your all, like giving your best effort, but giving your all.  Your good, your great, your best but also your ugly, your nasty, your disgusting, your failures, your mountains that you've so meticulously erected in your path.  I need to stop trying to place Jesus back on the cross for my selfishness.  I need to stop spending my time moving the dirt around in my life to build up another mountain and focus on what God has for me to do in my life.  I know it's not this.

So, Gracious and Merciful Savior, first of all, thank you for today!  Thank you for my successful running attempt.  Thank your for my life in this world where you have already claimed it as your territory!  I worship you this morning!  Come into my life today and wipe out the cobwebs in those dark recesses of my soul that need to be used for you.  Help me to tear down the mole hills in my life and throw away my shovel that I carry around to build the mountains with.  Lord, help me to give it all to you today.  You are my rock.  You are my redeemer.  I love you.  Heavenly Father forgive me for my disgusting behavior.  Forgive me for my ugliness in my heart.  Help me to cleanse away those things in my life that break your heart.  Help me to see others and myself the way you see us.  Amen.

I thank God for music in my life.  I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did this morning!!