In my training for this 10k next month I have endured things unimaginable to myself. Never did I think I could run more than 2 minutes at a time, ha! Now we're running 50 minutes to over an hour! Never did I think I could run UPhill. This one makes me giggle. Really? Like you can't suck it up and get your booty up the hill, Shannon? Ok, so I'm a complete weanie-head in this area. So, my friend that is helping me train tries to find that one thing that will make me forget the pain, or lack of oxygen to my brain, that would motivate me to run the whole hill and not just give up and walk part of it. I realized something. I suck at being motivated to do something that causes me pain and makes me want to puke. Odd, isn't it? I know I need to do this to be in the best shape possible for this race. She has tried so hard to help me in this area. "Just imagine if Jesus is up there at the top holding out his arms waiting for you." Then I think, "but if its really Jesus then he will forgive my weaknesses and hug me anyway, right? Blessed are the weak who have to walk their big ole booty up the hill. That's biblical right?" Needless to say, it didn't motivate me. What does that say about me?! Then she moved on to other tactics. "Just picture your daughter up there needing her mother and you have to get to her in a hurry. Come on, she needs you. She's waiting." You know what I did? I let her down. I failed. I suck. Yep. You guessed it, I walked part of that hill. She literally had to get behind me and help me run by pushing me up the hill! Holy moly! Seriously, Shannon? You can't even be motivated by that? What does that say about me?! I got to the top and she cheered me on, but all I could think about was how I let my daughter down. How I made her wait because I was too out of breath or lazy or tired or sore to make it to her. I cried like a freakin' baby. WTheck?! Then as I was wallowing in my selfish self-pity tears running down the road I stepped to the edge of the road and twisted my ankle. BOOGERS!! Immediately in my undeserving beating up of my character God shoved me off the road with a great big, "Really? That's where you're going with this? It was only a scenario not the real thing! You know you would be running on adrenaline if it were true and you would've been there in lightning speed. Get a grip and turn it off!"
My character has been training as well during this time. Running is definitely a mental game. Learning how to run through certain situations no matter how painful or inconvenient it becomes is just a fact of life that I've had to work through. Amazing how it correlates to the rest of my life, my spiritual walk, my everyday stuff, etc. I'm learning how to suck it up. I'm also learning how to give myself a break, mentally. I'm also learning that my focus must always be on the Almighty Heavenly Father who is in control of all things.
I will remain thankful everyday for the opportunities I have to run, to walk, to eat, to breathe. Another day to continue to work in the will of God to his glory. What will it be today, God? How big is the hill? Bring it on. I think.
