When you must "shut the front door"

I laugh at the commercial where the family is trying the new product, that currently escapes my memory as to what it is, and the mother exclaims in joy, "shut the front door" and I think she's going to actually say something else each time.  Goes to show you just what kind of sick individual I am deep inside.....  but really, do you know when to actually "shut the ........."?  I've had my lesson in listening this week and I think I'm done speaking.... forever.

I have started a new venture called Mooresville Mission School.  It follows the Live School curriculum for learning.  I am so excited about this program.  I think.  Yes, I am.  Maybe.  We had our introductory class last night and it was pretty rocking awesome and quite scary at the same time.  One of our main facilitators is from  Mwandi, Zambia and lives there in the village and teaches Live School to people who travel miles on foot from the bush to a tent city to lodge there for months together with the other students to learn more about God's will in their life.  They sleep, eat, study and fellowship together for months on end while completing this curriculum.  Anyway, enough back story.... Our facilitator, Percy, talked about how this is less of a spiritual school and more a school about us, who we are, what our true character is and whether it lines itself up with our character in God's eyes and His will.  Lots of talk about diving in deep into ourselves and looking at what makes us tick.  Ok, am I really sure that I want to do this?  No.  I'm not sure, but am definitely forging ahead with great excitement, if that makes any sense what so ever.

One of our overviews of the upcoming lessons is about being able to take criticism from others and how to react correctly to the criticism.  Because if we are all children of God and brothers and sisters in Christ and we are speaking truth in a loving way, then how should we react to these people that we love so much?  Should we give it right back in a snarly, sarcastic and overly defensive manner?  Well, that's pretty much how I react at least on the inside and play over and over in my head on how good it would sound.  Then I blurt out something resembling, "oh yea, well you're a doo-doo head!" but in a more adult manner.  Until today that is.  I had a conversation with someone I love dearly who called me on somethings that I had said.  Really God?  Must I do the lesson early?  How should I react?  What do I want to say?  What should I say?  Was it true?  Should I defend myself?  Should I drag others into it?  All of these questions were swirling through my head as I am listening to this person.  Love.  Love.  Love.  Love.  That's the sticky sweet syrup that was pouring over my soul as I listened.  I hate syrup.  I don't like sticky, its why I detest peeling an orange and eating it.  But all I could find myself saying was, "I'm sorry.  I am so sorry.  I am sorry I hurt you.  I am sorry."  I'm sure it was boring and sounded more like begging for forgiveness, but I am truly sorry for my behavior.  But now.  Now I just wish I could crawl in a hole and stay there forever.

I know the image I had in my head last night went more like this when we were discussing the lesson.  I would sit in a circle while people threw criticism at my like helium balloons that just playfully bounced off of me and up and away the hard feelings went and we all hugged and smiled and said we loved each other and God looked down with pleasure and delight.  BOLOGNA!!!  The Oscar Meyer version!  The lesson isn't just in the act of taking it in and understanding our reaction to it, but also the carnage in the hours, days, months ahead that will constantly need to be dealt with and loved on and mended.  If I would've just thought about it at the moment and realized that I really didn't want to go down that path, maybe I could've just shut my mouth.  Maybe.

Not sure how things will turn out.  Only God knows how truly sorry I am in my heart.  Only God knows what is to come in the future.  Only God.  I must live in the moment of complete submission to His plan and do it quietly.  Listening to the Holy Spirit.

An analogy from our class last night brought amazing images to my mind.  Percy talked about how we will be stretched by the knowledge we will learn and how we will be stretched mentally when we are growing and how in doing so it will finally give the Holy Spirit room enough to dwell within us.  I can just see the Holy Spirit stretch arms out wide (yes I know there aren't arms, but go with me) and doing a verbal stretch and sigh as He makes himself comfortable in me. I want to make room for the Holy Spirit.  I want him to live in the mansion that God creates within me where he can stretch and be comfortable instead of rent controlled apartment with no indoor plumbing.

I will leave you with these tidbits from the class.  Did you know that when the song writer wrote the words for Spirit of the Living God that the lyrics were actually like the following and not watered down like they are for the hymn books:

Spirit of the living God, 
Fall afresh on me.
Spirit of the living God, 
Fall afresh on me.
Break me, melt me, 
Mold me, fill me, 
Spirit of the living God, 
Fall afresh on me.

If breaking is what I need to make room God, then start breaking....

And this:

Exodus 20:4-6

⁴ “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. ⁵ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, ⁶ but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Are there areas where you need to be broken in order to grow in your spirit?  Are there areas you don't want to deal with your character?