M.W.D.D.

My new syndrome....Mother With Depression Denial. You see, I don't believe in depression. I believe in just picking yourself up and moving on. I am in denial that it even exists. Don't get mad at me, it's just my insensitive way to make me feel better about myself. I do it all the time. Which has led me to the conclusion that that is why people no longer like to be around me. Me, fun-loving, out-going, funny, beautiful, love to talk, me. I have made myself completely unapproachable for most people. Of course, my hubby and my kids have to love me and at least ask me "have you seen my shoes?" Sometimes that is the only conversation I get during the day and it has become quite an exciting moment knowing that the conversation is coming about where in the world shoes have gone in my house. The really unfortunate thing is that in denial that depression is a real thing I have found myself completely and utterly depressed. Not on the outside. I have that female motherhood syndrome of depression where only you and the good Lord above know that you are depressed, because to let the rest of the world in on your weakness and fears and rejections would be the downfall of my ever-so-not-so-perfect world. My life is great. My kids are a blessing to me everyday. My husband is a saint! But on the inside I am totally in a puddle of tears and trembling in an imaginary fetal position in my imaginary corner of my mind. Just smile and say hello and tell everyone you're fine and dandy and life is great, because it is.....hmmmmm, the dynamics of that are interesting. I know that I am to find joy in everything. God has placed that on my heart. I don't know what Joy is to me anymore. Maybe it's not my definition of joy, but His. You know, the big man upstairs. I have joined flylady.com and would recommend that to every woman who is out-going, full of clutter, artistic and out of her mind with busyness. I would not recommend it for anyone who has it together, already clean and neat and organized, sweet tempermented all the time, etc. To those ladies it would be a horrific look into the other realm of women. Flylady nails my personality right on the head and gives great advice. I am hoping that becoming more organized will help me pick my inner self up from the bootstraps and get over myself and my hidden depression, which if you ask me I will tell you I don't have. God Bless all of those overworked, overwhelmed, overweight, overcluttered, overdepressed (shhhh, don't tell) mothers of the world today and everyday!