Why NOT to have a Yard Sale!

The following was an email that I sent to my friends (girl-friends) back when we were dumb enough to plan the ultimate multi-family yard sale! I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!


OK, so I am only writing to you girls because some of this content my not be suited for others, but AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! Yard sales, where do I begin? It's really a twelve step process like AA, and it goes like this:
1. Admit you have a problem
2. Crawl into every oriphus of your home and drag out every item covered in dust, older than dirt, something you would not even consider giving to your children and put a price tag on it.
3. Cry
4. Sweat
5. Bitch and Moan
6. Procrastinate
7. Hold your breath
8. Clean everything off, wash it, dry it, polish it like you love it!
9. Look at it and ponder,"How much would I pay for this?" Oh, yea, I already fell for that once.....
10. Find a box to organize each item into certain catagories, i.e. crap, old crap, crap I still like, and c....r.....a.....p
11. Put out a sign directing people to your crap
12. Sell your crap and take your profits of $11.50 and splurge on a new...................pack of gum.
Was it worth it? Heck yea!

I started early this morning with pleading and prayer with God. Please dear Lord make me want to do this (kinda like my laundry prayer). Then I walked for the first time in months, not procrastination but exercise!!! Then I dove in head first. Great, you say, way to go, you add, awesome...... Here's my dilemma: When I dove in I forgot to remove my exercise clothing of which contained a sports bra... Now you may wonder why this is a big deal. Remember our ac is off. O - F - F, off. So I realize I'm like the proverbial frog in cool water this a.m. that has during the day been turned up unbeknownst to me. Now I am sweating so hard and dripping that the tape I'm using for pricing won't stick! Which I think has to do with the friggin' humidity index in my house as well. I'm working so hard that I don't realize that within my tshirt a chemical reaction is happening so severe, so scary, so horrible that only when I contemplate taking a shower do I then have a fear like no other......... HOW THE *&%% DO I GET THIS @#&** THING OFF WITHOUT PUTTING MY SHOULDER OUT OR WORSE ... STRANGLING MYSELF!!!!!!!