OOOhhhh that hurt!

I have to say that I have experienced many instances as a mother of 5 children hearing the devastating heart breaking wailing sounds from my children. Some are audible, some are silently loud! I hate those sounds, it goes to the very core of my soul and contorts into this indescribable pain. But you know if you have children around you what those sounds are. It could be the sound of your child falling as they are learning to walk. The sound of your crawling infant when the cat has had enough of tail-pulling games. The sound of your teenager that calls and says "Mom (you can hear his lip quivering and his heart pounding), I wrecked the truck. I'm ok." GULP!

We have graciously offered to babysit (maybe not the right term here) the pastor's snakes. There are only two, non poisonous snakes. A black rat snake and a corn snake. I'm fine with it because they are in their enclosure and really aren't much trouble at all. I lost my insane fear of snakes when Sarah was a toddler and would bring them in from outside, so as long as they are in something that I don't have to catch them, I'm good. She is in love with these creatures! Just beaming with joy every time she talks to them through the glass.

Our pastor is selling his house. Anywho....they were having to tote the enclosure up to the attic so as not to offend potential buyers. So, we offered to take them just for a time until they sell their house. That being said, they are happily housed on top of my sewing machine cabinet. Let me tell you, people don't run over to visit when you have snakes! So my son and my son's girlfriend, who loves snakes, and my oldest son and Sarah were admiring the reptilian wonders when Sarah decided to take the rocks off of the top for a closer inspection. To that, the oldest son chimed in, "you need to wait for dad to do that!" He was not willing to chase the snakes through the house! She waited for dad. Then she got a little to anxious and excited and started to pull it out of the enclosure. She didn't have hold of the snake at the right point, which led the snake to turn it's head and chomp down on her knuckle. Let me say, the sound she made was not one I'd heard in a while and it sent me to that place. It wasn't a sound of a painful wail as much as it was a sound of a broken heart. She was so upset. Upset that the snake wouldn't let her hold it and love on it, etc. Yes, there were teeth marks, followed by soapy hands and peroxide and an ice pack, but nothing worked on that heart, it was swollen with dispair. The only thing that made the pain subside was bigger gator tears. It was a HARD lesson to learn, a painful one, physically and emotionally. We're now on the other side of it and life is good.

But here is the sound that took me to that place and has left me there without a ride home....."Mom, something bad happened today, I'll tell you when I get home." What? You can't just say that and then not tell me what it was. First clue was that my son was on his brother's cell phone. Questionable. "Where is your phone?" "I'll tell you when I get home." "Did it get stolen?" "Yes, Mom. I'll tell you when I get home." Great. Then the next phone call came to inform me that his car won't start and can you bring jumper cables? This was now my younger son, the phone owner, who then proceeds to tell me that John is REALLY mad. Upon inquiry I got the younger son to confess the situation to me as he is locked in the car behind glass where his brother can't hear him. Sort of a cell phone to mom confession booth. It seems as though, John had left his jeans in the locker room with his friends belongings and went off to track practice. Sometime while he was running someone removed his cell phone and his wallet from his pockets. He had inadvertently had the money he had been saving for the summer mission trip with the church in his wallet. They took the money and put the wallet back folded backwards, sort of a signature "gotcha". Now at this point some of you may be saying, "why did he take that to school?" Yes, I know and so does he that this was not the best choice. However, he is the victim here, not the perpetrator and he is not completely at fault. It's almost like saying "she deserved to be raped because of her outfit." Not a great decision to wear it, but that doesn't make it right that it happened. That's a little bit of an extreme example, but ok....moving on. He has been building fences with a friend of ours, digging holes for posts and putting up panels and crawling under houses to cover crawl spaces with plastic. He isn't afraid of work and would rather raise the money himself than ask people to donate to the cause. He's always been that way. It's a trait I really admire. But sometimes the world makes it impossible. I don't know whose child stripped my son of his dignity and joy, but I'm in that place right now where I could spank someone else's child and feel really good about it. I don't care about the phone. I don't even really care about the money, because I know he will raise it somehow. He may have to ask for it. I care that his heart is broken because his fellow students stooped to the level like this. I don't like the sound of a broken heart. It must be similar to the sound that those dog whistles make that only dogs can hear. It is making my ears ring and my eyes well up with tears and my head to bow for forgiveness of my feelings and my heart to tear yet a little more. I have prayed for this individual, but out of my knowing I should, not out of wanting to. Don't worry, I will get there....when the noise subsides. Right now, all else is inaudible.

I know God will make it clear the purpose of each heart break. A learning moment, teaching moment, etc. I know that with pain comes healing and redemption. I know that my children are going to be just fine in spite of the world. I know that Jesus loves them more than I and knows what's best more than I do. I know that all is well eventhough it hurts. "Joy, in all things." Yes, God, in all things.

God Bless. God bless my children. God bless those who don't know you. God bless the heart breakers. God bless. God. Bless.

Give a Moose a Muffin Day!

So, today I have many things to accomplish. I unfortunately suffer from the "snowball effect" when putzing around the house. I start with one task and find something that needs to be taken somewhere, fixed, washed, sterilized, returned to sender (or lender), resuscitated, identified, etc. Thus taking me from one room to the next which sends me on a new mission in a totally different direction. This makes the task of getting it all done overwhelming to me making me want to just quit it all together and make an excuse to wash the dogs. But, I digress....I must clean the house because we have guests coming over. You see, that is how I get my house to stay somewhat livable is by forcing myself to invite people over, thereby forcing myself to pick up, clean up, cover up, pile up, hoist up those projects I've put off. Laundry IS a project in my house. 5 kids, 4 teenage boys, 1 tomboy of a girl, a hardworkin' hubby and myself. If only they would only go naked, NO laundry, eat out of their hands, NO dishes, never leave the house, NO dirt tracked in and always do what they're told, my life would be so much easier.




I wonder if that is why God started us off in the Garden of Eden in our birthday suits. He knew what laundry would do to this world and it's water supply! And how convenient, a fruit tree.....however, that was the end of convenience foods and the thought of eating fresh fruit as our only source of nutrition. We thought that when God talked to Eve about the pain in childbirth that He was referring to the labor pains of actual childbirth, but He was talking about all of our LABOR pains. Laundry labor, dishwashing labor, cleaning up puke labor, not-to-mention those diapers labor, career labor, carpool labor and so on, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (in my best King and I, Uhl Brenner, voice).

I am only sounding like its complaining because it is keeping me from having to do anything in this 5 minutes of writing this post. I love my life. I love the labor. I will miss the laundry someday, because it will be a stark reminder of how my kids have grown up and moved out. I am grateful that God has blessed me with my tasks of the day.

I began by loading my dishwasher, which led me to clean off the table, which led to taking stuff upstairs, which led to the cleaning of my bathroom, which meant I had laundry to go downstairs, which meant I needed to clean the catfood that spilled in there, which meant I needed a broom from the closet, which reminded me I needed to take out the trash, which led me outside to the clothesline, which brought me in with more clothes, which made me realize I was not successful in stain removal so I should look it up on the web, which made me open my home page, which brought me to my email, that led me to this post. Whew, I'm tired. I need a nap....which will lead me to clean off my bed............

No thanks...

Ok, so you know I am always saying how my kids totally amaze me, continually, constantly, wow. They are so wonderful to so many people. I love to hear about my kids from others. It's one thing to have a view of your children, which is usually a biased one, but to have that affirmation from someone outside the family tell you about how great your kids are is so refreshing.

I must confess that I am a doubter. Not of my children, but of myself. I am constantly doubting what it is that I am to be doing in my life and how to achieve that. Then comes the random phone call or the compliment from someone we've never met, but who have heard about my boys. Interesting. Humbling that your children are living their lives the way God has intended as I sin day after day in doubt.

David has always encouraged our children to have a work ethic chock full of integrity and be willing to use it when necessary, even without pay. He has instilled this in them from a very early age and when they were young they couldn't understand why you would do something and not take money for it. An odd concept, especially in the 2008 society. But here we are in 2009 and the world is a different place. Those who could pay last year, can't pay this year. Those who need help desperately can't pay. So what are we called to do?

You know way back when, in the wagon train days of the west, there was always a pastor, minister, priest for the local folks. How were they cared for? How did you compensate for their service? Most were taken care of by their congregation who made sure that every need was taken care of. Like a live chicken, a freshly baked loaf of bread, a newly sewn shirt, shoes, plowing, harvesting, sowing, etc. Not like the tithing of today where we put $$ in a basket and say "live on it and it's all up to you and if its not enough, tough, I'm not given anymore than what's required." Ok, so we all don't say that, but are we aware of our neighbor's needs?

Things are so different now when people are used to the facade of "everything's fine", "don't worry about me" when we all know that most of the time we're just afraid to let people know we have a need it may look weak or something.

My children have become very observant about needs and concerns in the lives around them and they act on them. When asked and they aren't otherwise committed they will help. With smiles, with gratitude, with grace, with humility and refusing compensation, saying "No thanks, that's not why we did it." I have a lot to learn from my children.

I have decided to give away live chickens if anyone needs one....just kidding. I will however bring you dinner or bake you something if you're hungry or just know someone who is. I hope that God is blessing you in ways you never dreamed of today!

Awake, awakening

Interesting to think about a word, a simple one. One that we have used continually until it no longer holds the newness like the first time we learned it. Wake up! He's awake! What an awakening. As my FIL wakes from the much needed sleep he was so ing in I have to wonder where he's been and what it must've been like for him. I wonder if he has any memory of his dreams. I feel as though I have been sleeping through this time of wait. As with times in my life where the outside world doesn't seem as important eventhough the speed by which it goes by is constant and persistent and very much goal oriented. It's as though one piece of the world is still or moving ever so slowly while the world whisks by at a blurring speed. Undectable faces, blurred noises. Now that he's out of his deep sleep the world and I have been playing catch up. Like when I was little and tried to jump on the merry go round at the playground when it was going so fast.

I often wonder if God puts us in these sleepy moments in our lives to catch up on whether He and I are dreaming the same dream. Are we on the same path? Have I wandered off into another place altogether wondering where God is? It's quiet here. Too quiet. Being part of an awakening of sorts brings thoughts of invigoration and joy. I've been there and felt that and known that. I'm not shy about my relationship with God and how Christ has played a role in my life. But am I still asleep to think that I have done or am doing all that God asks of me to do or to say. I avoid confrontation, especially spiritually motivated confrontation. I guess my own insecurities get in the way of me thinking it's all about what I say not leaving any room for God to get a word in edgewise. If so, some body needs to shake me awake!

In our quest for seeing Jesus, God, in our lives do we look right past him? Watching for Him, waiting, wondering. Are we like the disciples so deep in our grief for the loss that we don't understand he's walking with us until he breaks the bread in our presence? This is such a vulnerable time for so many in this economy. So many feel like failures for no fault of their own, no hope, taking their own lives and the lives of their families, struggling with debt, hungry, down, depressed, needing the relationship of another human being to say that they're going to be ok. Asleep.

Arise, awake. Shake off the nerves of sleep and get the flowing through your veins. Stretch, ready yourself for today and tomorrow. Reach out and shake the shoulder of your neighbor and make sure they're not sleeping too long. Let them know the hope that lies within knowing Christ in your life. Ask someone about the hope of Christ if you are looking or wondering or wandering. Don't be shy about sharing the love of Christ or how God is your stronghold. If you're too quiet you're bound to sleep or to dream, ah, there's the rub!
Be careful not to sleep through what God's got goin' on for you today. Sometimes it's right in front of our eyes, we just haven't had our coffee yet.

Luke 9:32 Peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him.

a·wake (-wk)

1. To rouse from sleep; waken.

2. To stir the interest of; excite.

3. To stir up (memories, for example).

v.intr.

1. To wake up.

2. To become alert.

3. To become aware or cognizant: awoke to reality.

adj.

1. Completely conscious; not in a state of sleep.

2. Vigilant; watchful.

Hugs and Kisses, or just hugs.

Everyday of my life is a new day with my children. Just when I think I got 'em figured out, they gently remind me of my ignorance. I am always so proud of my children and the decisions they make and the way they go about their decision making.

Yesterday being Ash Wednesday the beginning of the Lenten Season marked a 40 day sacrifice for a lot of Christians. My son has been lamenting over what to give up for lent for about a week or so. He came home last weekend with an announcement. He and his GF have decided to give up kissing each other for lent. What? Seriously? Oh my gosh! You're kidding me? Did you hear that? I didn't even know you were kissing to begin with! LOL! Ha! I'm not quite that naive.

I am completely blown away at the way my son thinks. The way he takes his spiritual journey so seriously. The way God works in his life every minute. He is an amazing young man. His GF even brought him a chocolate kiss the first morning and he gave it away just in case that was breaking the rules.

It is humbling to watch him grow in God's will and be so open to the opportunities that God lays out for him everyday. How many 16 yo boys do you know who would consider giving that up for a day much less a 40 day period. I pray for my children each day and watching God work is quite entertaining.

Thank you God for John. Thanks for the way he loves you. Thank you for his respect of his GF. Thank you for his heart. Thank you for his presence in my life. How blessed we are to know him and love him. How awesome you are! Bless your name! Almighty Father, the blessings in my life leave me breathless. How merciful you are to us! Thank you God!

Everyone else in the family has gotten on board as well. We have all decided to give up kissing......John's girlfriend for lent. She was quite relieved! Does that count? Oh well, we'll keep trying!