Getting to know you

No Introductions Needed, Kind of.....    I learn more and more about myself everyday.  How narcissistic does that sound?  I'm embracing that side of myself as well, so get used to it.  I know I am weak in many areas of my life.  I know I choose weakness over strength, for the most part due to laziness.  So I am also learning just how far my laziness goes.  I am busy, but I am lazy.  I tend to be a great multi-tasker but am realizing that being able to and actually doing more things at one time makes me a multi-tasker but makes me lazy in not being able to finish one thing fully and successfully.  It's done, but mostly half-way done.  God doesn't care if I'm a leader of any ministry or if I do it well or not.  Nor does he care if I'm an Elder in my church and if I do it well.  He doesn't care if I do my job well and successfully.   Now, understand this, if I have received the gift of salvation in my life then I will care about whether or not I am being graceful, merciful, loving and more in those areas of my life, of course.  But as far as whether or not God really places my worth in his eyes on the multi-tasking life I have embraced, I don't believe he gives a rat's behind.  To say that God cares about anything surely places him in a box, my box, with my "important issues".  God cares that we receive the gift that he so sacrificially gave in the life, death and resurrection of his only son, Jesus Christ, for our forgiveness in OUR sins, or more appropriately, MY sins.  But that is even being presumptuous of me to say that God does anything within the realm of caring.  My God is a caring God, yes, but whether or not he places his daily cares in my opinions or duties, I won't put him in that small of a space.  

That being said, I also find myself, at times, in intimate embrace with my heavenly Father and come to know those things that he wants me to dream, those desires he places in my heart that he wants me to pursue, but not outside of my current situation.  It's the solace in knowing I am provided for by Jehovah Jireh himself and that in his way, his will he has provided a loving environment called "my life" that nourishes love, kindness, caring, grace, mercy, patience that rivals only a small percentage of what God truly possesses in his character.  He places those things there to provide the hope that my life is always changing but my faith in him is unchanging.  That leaning in on the everlasting arms of God will bring me strength more than I could ever gain in my life alone.  It's in the leaning that peace comes.  In the leaning that I grasp the enormity of God's embrace in my life.  Leaning gives me closeness to feel the breath of heaven on the nape of my neck.  Nape, because my head is bowed and I am exposed in prayer with the deepest, darkest morsels of my inner self being seen by God himself.

My God, my Jesus and savior, my Holy Spirit fire is bigger than anything I can dream up.  He's omnipotent, omniscient.  The ability for me to understand my worth in my personal relationship with him will inspire, no better yet it will mean that I have no choice in the matter but to live as Christ.  When I become disenfranchised with my circumstances and feel rejected by not only my environment, but by my God I eventually come to realize that what I am most upset about is that this particular circumstance is not how I want it to be, thus second guessing God's will for me in this instance. The friends God has placed in my life, the job, the church, my circumstances are God ordained and I am wanting something outside of God's will and plan in my life at this moment.  I love my friends, my family, my church, my job and I believe everyone there knows my love for each and every one of them, but my humanness wants to constantly look outside of what my blessings are and be in search of something missing.  Grass is greener in the adjacent pasture?  Maybe.  Ugh, my weakness, there it is.  I'm too lazy to move in the moment God has put me in and embrace the opportunities for his glory to be known in my circumstances.  It's me, my focus on God, my study in his Word that is missing and that keeps me longing for something outside of my current blessings.  

In my weakness he is strong.  Honestly, it's the only way the laundry gets done. 

Food for thought:

I love the message version of the bible!  It just makes me giggle at how frank God can be when he wants us to be aware of things.  So here's a snippet from 1 Corinthians 14:37-40 that you might think on and study up.  Enjoy!

37-38 If any one of you thinks God has something for you to say or has inspired you to do something, pay close attention to what I have written. This is the way the Master wants it. If you won’t play by these rules, God can’t use you. Sorry.

39-40 Three things, then, to sum this up: When you speak forth God’s truth, speak your heart out. Don’t tell people how they should or shouldn’t pray when they’re praying in tongues that you don’t understand. Be courteous and considerate in everything.