Poser, that's me!

Here's the thing about Christmas for me, it makes me take inventory every year of what we have and don't have and what we may need and what we don't need. Santa is out. He has been for a long time in our household. As a matter of fact, since my first child was born, I've always been leery of bringing the word "Santa" in the house. Why start something that later will just be so confusing to them when they try to reconcile Jesus, the reason for the season, and Santa. But in doing my annual "Santa bashing" I have come to the realization that I am just a hefty jolly poser myself.

I'll wait........

No, really go ahead......

(At this point you're either laughing at the fact that I'm just now realizing this myself whilst you knew all along, or you are in shock and disbelief because I have succeeded in pulling the wool over your eyes this whole time.)

You see, I have been a bah-humming when it comes to gift giving at Christmas. I just felt like it had taken over my whole spirit of the birth of my savior that I hated to shop and disliked the wrapping of gifts and well basically thought that it was all just a superficial act of commercialism that I had trained my kids to take part in. Some kids, not my own, would pitch a fit and throw a temper tantrum if they didn't get the right gift for Christmas. No really, like, "Ok dear, no we'll go exchange it right now, I promise, I'm so sorry I ruined your Christmas honey." Seriously? Anyway, enough of that.

I have written a script for our Christmas eve drama at church, nothing major, just lots of scripture and exchange of words telling the Christmas story. I did some research on different ways of giving and what they meant and what God asks of us at this time of year, yadda, yadda, yadda. Honestly, it was just to make sure I wasn't messing up the whole thing, 'cause somehow I doubted my interpretation of it all. I have learned a lot through this whole process.

God not only gave the ultimate gift but he did so in order to come down and interact with us humans in a way that we could become closer to him. Understanding him better. We've dissected, argued, written volumes of concordances, churches split, denominations pitted against one another and just down right made fools of ourselves and our God in the process. It's simple really. God gave in order for us to live. He expects us to give likewise. Unselfishly of ourselves in time, talent and gifts. But he expects it to be our best, like he gave his best. Hmm. Well, so no more half way? I can't get away with getting by anymore? Man! It's a scary process for me. I have my hand in every pot I can find. Why? I like to stay busy? No, what I wouldn't do for a month off of life................. I like to see things succeed. I like to see friends and families be productive members of society, but based solely on my opinion of what that might be. You see, I am always volunteering or coming up with new things at church to fill in a gap that "I" feel is lacking in certain areas. This has consumed me physically and spiritually, no, not spiritually, but religiously. It's different. If it was spiritual I wouldn't have gotten myself so deep in "stuff to do". So I have decided to trim off the excess fat and start my spiritual exercise routine. I am a very unhealthy person right now, both spiritually and physically. I need to be feeding on the Word and listening to my God and stop starving myself of him and start doing what is best for me so that I can do what is best for those around me, like my friends and family. Which is a good start for making a difference in the world.

Some of you may think, well, duh...... And it should be easy to do that. I am not a homebody, it actually pains me to think of being here day in and day out cleaning and cooking and being Mrs. Omartian. Don't like it. Don't feel it. So this transformation and this revelation in my life, albeit life changing, is not something I am doing out of excitement or elation or "oh, goody a new mop", it's out of survival. Not my survival, but out of the survival of my relationship with the outside world. I don't like being around lazy people, basically it ticks me off, causing me to not love those that God created and not fulfilling the ultimate gift of what God has asked which is loving all of those he created in order to give my best.

Yea, I'm weird, I know that. I've known for a long time. It all sounds so conceptual that it's frankly hard to follow.

David, the dude in the bible who became king at one point, was one messed up dude. But he knew that he must always give his best when it came to God. Esther was the same way. She gave what took a long time to make. I do convenience. Oil that takes months to make? No way. WalMart. And the widow that gave the most by giving her all. These are examples from which I should glean and learn.

Consider praying for me please. Whatever it may be...."please make her stop blogging randomly" or "Lord, help her find herself in you" or just "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." He'll get the message. He already knows the answer and the path I will take.

Dear Lord, I pray for my friends and family during this season. Help them to know how much I love them by my giving of my best. Lord help me to give unselfishly of myself not just now, but all through the year. Lord, help me on my quest to downsize, simplify, quit, say no, say yes, etc. Lord, I am your servant. AMEN!