The one movie I was avoiding

Growing up with Christ in my life since my birth has been one of the best privileges I've had.  I've never known a day in my life where He didn't exist in my universe.  I did not always embrace my Christian faith in the way I do today, but I knew His name could be spoken at any moment and my heart would know He was there.

I remember the bible stories from Sunday school growing up.  I heard the Easter story every year.  I celebrated His birth at the manger each December.  I continue to pursue the knowledge of God's word to this day.  What I've realized is my desensitizing of the truth and my need for re-sensitivity in my life today.  We teach Jesus lived, grew, died, rose, done and now you have eternal life.  I honestly think that one of the injustices of amply cured Christians to the outside world is our lackadaisical attitude about the enormity of the story of our Savior.  I had the distinct privilege to watch "The Passion of the Christ" this past weekend with two of my sons (who had already previewed the film).  I wasn't with my husband geographically when he had the chance to watch it in 2004 and I didn't know if I really wanted to see it.  I knew of the agony that Christ suffered through the reading of the scriptures and wasn't sure I wanted the visual.  But through the urging of my boys and my hubby to watch the film I decided to take the plunge.

After it was over I had no words.  Which really meant for me that I just couldn't put my head around which words to actually use because they all seemed dull and lame compared to the emotions I felt inside.  Believe me, I'm never at a loss for words, but more at a loss for the right ones.  I suddenly felt like my journey for closeness to my God was sorely inadequate and lazy.  I have talked alot about worship and being close to God and reading the word and etc, etc, etc.  But then the simplicity of it all came down to this one moment in eternal time where Jesus gave it all for my life to have meaning.  I don't mean simple like anybody could have done it or that it was easy.  I mean simple in the way that we make it so hard on ourselves to be followers of our risen Lord and Savior.  It became more human to me than ever.  Realizing the relationships he had with ordinary people.  The fact that Mary, his mother, had to be a woman of ordinary means.  If she were royal then Jesus would've been raised by nursemaids and helpers and the relationship between he and his earthly mother would not have been what it was.  

I find myself whining and making excuses so often for my behavior or lack of behavior and why?  Christ gave it all so that I could get on with the business of God's business not mine.  It would be different if I didn't believe, but I believe publicly in Christ, so I need to move on.  I could not have done one phase of that crucifixion journey.  Praying in the garden, going willingly with the guards, getting smacked around, being flogged, dragging a cross while being whipped and finally asking forgiveness for those as he hung, dying.  I have taken it all for granted so far by being so bland about these stories of life changing eternal moments.

If you haven't seen this film I urge you to watch it.  I urge you to watch it with someone else.  If you are under 18, I urge you to watch it with an adult.  This is just a movie with real people who are just actors for a living, but this is a powerful story and God will take you where he wants you through this movie.

I don't want to be desensitized to what Christ has done for me.  I want those around me to understand the intensity in His story of life and death and resurrection.  Dear God, help me.  Here I am.  Make it known to me my life in you daily.

Ephesians 4:22-24

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Gift of the Lord Mountain of Strength Price

Yesterday, my hubby and I had the distinct privilege to watch our youngest son stand before a group of Elders and congregation members and profess his faith.  He has been attending a confirmation class for the past 8 months and it culminates here, in the parlor of the church.  My heart is full.  My mind is numb.  I don't know any other "how" but God.  

As we look back on Matt's life of 14.5 years we cherish those moments of serenity when we could just lug him around anywhere and he could care less as long as he was hanging out with us.  Those moments of questioning, when my heart skipped a few million beats, when I asked if he believed in Jesus because I wanted him to or he wanted to and I received the answer I didn't want.  Lots of prayer and affirmation of Christ in our lives has brought us here today.  

He looks so grown up yet so small.  I love my Matthew, not more than my others, but so differently than each.  It's like that when you have children.  The value of the love is the same but the manner in which you feel it in the different parts of your heart are different for each person.  Matt is the last of the boys, the first one up from Sarah, the one I babied the longest, the one that has surprised me the most, the quietest of them all, the softest and most sincere when it comes to speaking his love language.  The way in which he has grown in the past year has my hubby and I on our knees praising the God above for all of his provisions for this child.  His heart is guarded and his laughter pure.

I watch with true honesty and reality that this will not always be a rosy path.  I am perfectly aware that there are traps and side roads that may lead my children off for a bit.  But I have faith that the God of grace and mercy will never leave them and they will always know his love and truth.  Life comes down to this:  Jesus died for us, God gave his ONLY son for us, everything else is icing, gravy or whatever topping you like.

Thanks God for the gift of Matthew.  I am truly grateful to be a part of his life if only for what seems a split second in eternity.  God is good.  All the time.  All the time.  God is good.

Christmas in April

The gifts of today were wrapped in a beautiful hue of icy blue, the color of the Colorado sky in the sunny winter afternoons.  The wonder of modern medicine to take away my horrific allergic reaction to the spiny pollen particles unseen to man, but a familiar sight to my sinus cavity!  Joy and rapture!  With a clear breath I could wake to join the exciting activities that today unpacked in my living room.

The air was full of tingling giddiness.  I thought it was just me.  So excited to be welcoming our oldest back to the nest for a six week visit before he treks off once more for the wild west for the summer.  I was watching the minutes clang away with syrupy laziness.  When will the day close and the darkness reveal the witching hour?  Then the boys bounded in from school, "What time does his flight come in?  Are we all going?"  Up to this point I just thought Sarah and I would be the only ones piercing the cab line at the baggage claim to fetch Adam.  Hum.  I guess I should ask who wants to go.  Sarah had already asked if she could skip soccer practice.  This isn't something she EVER asks to do.  Soccer is her life right now.  So, I knew she was going.  I just assumed the boys would do the normal shrug of I-got-better-things-to-do, like sleep on the couch while watching a cheesy movie I've already seen 10,000 times.  All were up for the trip.  Even my hubby was at the ready.  It was like Christmas morning at the top of the stairs.  "Please, mom, let us go down now!  Now?  What about now?"  Of course, I just silently soaked it all in.  Loving the electricity in the car as we all piled in headed to grandma's house to wait out the last hour.

Assuming some would stay behind with grandma and say their hellos as we breezed back through we headed back to the car after a  cup of coffee and catching up with grams.  Nope.  We're going with you.  Again, piled into the car wondering why the speed limit was set so low.  Wondering why the traffic was so apathetic to our journey.  His flight was early, so we weren't even there when he arrived.  Oh well.  He was like a beacon on the sidewalk as we pulled in.  Wow!  Was that my baby?  Had he looked that old four months ago?  We popped like popcorn kernels to get a peek at him as he bounded in the car.  Wanting to catch a glimpse of what pieces of the west he brought back for us to share.  Stories of Uncle Jeff, eating lunch at Dorothy's, the powder on Wolf Creek or just the scent of Colorado lingering on his clothes and out of every pore on his body. Everyone wanting a piece of his attention for themselves.  

I can't wait for the day when all of my kids get to venture from the nest and try out their wings and fly.  Soaring over the world picking their nesting site, settling in, making their life their own.  But not just the journey out to where they will find themselves, the adult version of their little selves, but the journey home.  The journey to visit and have the childlike excitement that they felt tonight.  To talk about random facts, spit out funny jokes they've learned, catch them up on their lives and what's up with the neighborhood.  The Christmases of the future where kids and grandkids will converge upon the smallest room in the house and sit on the counters and laugh and joke and play their music and be.  Be the puzzle with no end pieces that continues to grow and expand until it outgrows the table and must be moved to the floor.  Then each takes their own pieces and starts their puzzles with their new families and we continue to gravitate to each other when we need that familial feeding.  

Life happens.  It's beautiful and leaves me wondering how in the world I could ever love them more.  And then with each sunrise I find that my heart just expands that much more, ready for a new day and new memories and new adventures in this crazy life God gave me.  Life.  Be.  God.  Thanks.

Don't be fooled

I have been a mother since 1989.  You relish in the birth of that squishy newborn and long forgotten are the labor pains and the friendly horror stories about childbirth from those more "experienced" parents in your lamaze class.  Parents can spot another parent from aisles away and make a b-line for you with helpful advice.  Now, granted, I did get some very good advice from lots of people.  I would rather do that then to sit down by myself with my nose in a book of an author telling me how to raise or what to look for in my children when they themselves have no children.  I always thought that was odd.  Like maybe they were those people who absolutely detested children and thought of ways to get those parents back by writing odd little books about things that may or may not happen putting those of paranoid parents in a tailspin when our child didn't achieve the developmental rites of passage to move them to the next stage of the book.

Always in my life were those who said, "just wait 'til they're teenagers, you'll see."  I was truly petrified by the thought of my children becoming these testosterone laden aliens that hated their mother.  I grieved.  I grieved so long that I think my first born was 15, well into his first few years of teenagedom before I realized that he was not your typical teenager that so many spoke about.  At one point all four boys were teenagers at the same time. (Yes, I know what causes that and yes, I know what I was thinking, but I won't tell you.)  Anyway, I love that my boys are teenagers.  I love that they love their family and most importantly, me, their mother.  I'm not always the popular one, the rule maker, the one who nags (w/e).  I was definitely NOT prepared for well behaved, God fearing, polite, fun, happy, laughing, sweet, gracious, mother-lovin' teenage boys!  

Why didn't anyone tell me?  Why would you keep this a secret?  I could've done so much less worrying about things as they approached the devilish hour of their 13th birthday.  Seriously though, I only winced with the first one expecting it to change over night and be as terrible as some had said.  When that didn't happen I just sat back and enjoyed what God had blessed me with, something I didn't deserve, mercy and grace abounding.  Since they are all so close together in age it all just happened so fast that they were all teenagers at once and I was amazingly happy.  Not just for me, although it is quite a perk, but for those who would enjoy being around them.  The grandparents, the aunts, the uncles, the cousins, the friends.  

I can't wait until my grandkids are here and I can tell them of the wonders that they have to look forward to in their teenagers.  I can only credit what we have to our passion for our God and our Savior Christ Jesus who have guided our hands in the raising of our boys, who have given us the divine permission to be the unpopular parents and follow our Christian values, even when it seems outrageously odd to the outside world.  I would've done anything (and I tried, too) to be popular in high school, but now I wouldn't change my nerdy parenting status for anything in this world.  My God is an awesome God and I believe in his healing powers of forgiveness, grace and mercy in my life and the life of my children.

Now, Sarah is 10.  My girl.  I can't wait!

I'm sure I've quoted this one before, but I love it so much that here it is again:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 ESV “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. (5) You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (6) And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. (7) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. (8) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. (9) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Permission Granted

Hold on to your hats, ladies and gents!  Yes, this is big news, probably the biggest news since, well, yesterday.  I have been so depressed in my mommy life about all of the housework I never get done around here.  As I passed by another pile of clean? dirty? unknown state of clothing laid across the back of the chair, I looked for the one who must be half dressed and said, "you know, you could pick that up."  Then it hit me, like a hundred pounds of laundry on a sunny day, I have gone all of this time thinking everyone KNEW about certain things.  How silly of me!  

So, last night as we prepared to eat dinner.  I rapped my fork on the side of my plastic cup and cleared my throat, "AHEM!  Attention everyone! I have realized how unfair I have been to all of you lately.  So, I am now giving you permission to do something about the things around the house that you may observe to be out-of-place.  I know, I know, you've been waiting so long for me to relinquish some of this power I have as your super mommy and let you bask in the light of the glory of picking up your own crap."

The boys just grinned and Sarah snickered and her friend Mr. Eagle almost fell off his stool laughing so hard!  They were ecstatic at the chance to finally help make this house function.  It made me tear up just a little.  My little darlings.

"You may put your dishes in the dishwasher from now on and unload the clean dishes," I exclaimed.  "You may do the laundry and clean your rooms WITHOUT being told!"  I continued and I could feel the energy rising in the room.  Finally the Utopia I had always dreamed of was within my grasp!  I felt good.  I felt empowered.  I felt like maybe something was up.  So, I contemplated my next move as I did the dishes and cleaned up from dinner and filed the two sets of taxes, last minute and got the kids situated in their respective sleeping quarters and ((YAWN!)) laid down my head to give it some real thought.

Do you think they are excited?  You betcha!  Without a doubt!  I'm sure they'll get right on that......tomorrow.

Swinging in the Family Tree

What a glorious week!  Spring break in the Carolinas brought 90 degree weather for the most part.  That didn't stop the madness!

My brother, sister and my kids all love to hang out together.  It's not like it use to be with the parents hovering over a floor full of toys, kissing boo-boos and wiping runny noses.  They've grown into these amazing humans.  The adults just get together one time in the beginning and let them loose together and then we pretty much don't see them until they come up for food.  It's quite relaxing, really.

Life has a way of just moving along without the decency of asking one's permission to do so.  The memories of my son and my niece being baptized together, the fun of watching them play and run at Shaker Village when they were just babes.  Now it gave way to a forest of Redwood like teenagers towering over their mothers and not giving a glance our way as they carry on with some unknown (to us) telekinetic language, much like dolphins with less clicking, but just as fun to watch.

Each day was a new adventure, sometimes into the jungle of commerce by way of that wonderful Swiss design museum, Ikea, or the garden of the guitars and all things stringed, Guitar Center and of course, the local grocery store many, many times.  We frolicked in the Memorial Gardens filled with tulips and other blooming things.  We hung out at Grandma's for a much needed spoiling.  The adult girls got to actually go out for lunch and laugh and converse as if we hadn't seen each other in forever....How's that sushi, Neesy? 

Now, it's early on day 5 and down the stairs Mel and I trod at 6:30 a.m. to rouse the two post pubescents that are traveling north with her.  What a sight!  Four teenagers sideways on a sleeper sofa, one 10 yo on the couch cushions on the floor, with dog.  Feet hanging off the sleeper sofa that were dangling with the weariness of a wonderful, most exciting week.  Life is good.  God is awesome.

Here are a few pics from my niece's collection.  She is the resident photographer and is pretty good at it!  Check out her full collection here:  Awesome Pics

But I'll show you her highlights of the week: