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Why do I conform to the conversation of the day? What is it about me that thinks being on both sides of the fence is a good thing? Sometimes my emotional state of the day puts me in the mode of wanting to be pleaser to everyone in everything. "I am very confused." That's how I should've started my input into the conversation.
My church is struggling right now. Our pastor is on sabbatical, our giving has been down for months with the economy the way it is, everyone is sad...... For months now, I have been contemplating our contribution to the church and if we are in the right place for us. Of course, I should probably be leaning more towards where God wants our family to be. We do both sides of the fence. We participate in another church's programs for our kids and etc. because our church doesn't do "programs". Don't get me wrong, we have a youth ministry that my kids attend, but it's a separate group from the church. It's weird really. Not the youth group, the way our church handles programs that we don't call programs. The leaders of these programs are encouraged to do it, but not supported by the church in commitment or attendance. Like "isn't that cute they're doing a women's ministry. It's darling, but I'm not going." I use to know how I felt about this, now I'm waivering. What to do..... our children really like our church worship service, but love to participate in the other church where their friends are attending. I often feel as though I could use a break from EVERYTHING and
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melt into the background of this other church. That's when I start to question my motives of moving to another church. Why? What is the purpose? Have I done what I've been asked to do at my church? Am I running from my responsibilities because it's too hard, too inconvenient, too.....what? Am I conforming to the way other Christian brothers and sisters see their journey? I loathe conformity.
Hmmmm...I don't hear me talking much about God's glory here. I thought I was living for that? What am I teaching my children? What the heck am I doing? I'll tell you what I'm doing, I'm getting on my knees for this church. I'm asking for wisdom beyond understanding to know what I need to be doing.
I love my church family. I feel God moving within our small but dysfunctional group. What next? How is God gonna work through this time of weirdness at our worship center?
Dear Lord, please grant me the wisdom, the supernatural wisdom, to know where to place my feet step after step. I want to worship you. I want to glorify you. I don't want to step out on convenience and ooey gooey feelings. I want to experience you in a different way. I'll promise to be a servant while I wait, God. Thank you God for your mercy and grace.
2 comments:
That's a toughie. I hope you find the right place for your family where you feel the Spirit abundantly.
We have just gone through a similar transition after my husband's job of 24 years as an assistant pastor was "eliminated." How does one stay and worship at a church that doesn't seem to want your "service" any longer? And so we began the search for a new church, prayerfully asking God to lead us. Keep yourself in prayer and don't look at other people, friends, family, etc. See God's face and choice for your family. A great book to read "Deliberate Simplicity" How the Church Does More by Doing Less by Dave Browning. Opens your eyes to serving and worshiping together as a family is supposed to do.
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