My sweet daughter is ill. Not bad attitude ill, but "I don't feel good mommy" ill. I hate it, no, double hate it when she's sick. Partly because she is my last one and my only girl and my baby forever and I don't want her to be sick, ever. Another part of me goes to a place of when she was born completely "wet" in her lungs and had to snort a nasal canula for a couple of days and then we had 5 years of upper respiratory distress, breathing treatments with albuterol that made her chest beat like an african tribal drum during some odd ritual. It was fast and hard and she would stare at us as if to say, "just make it better" but she hardly talked during thses times, she was too worn out.
I remember lying in the bed with her and listening to her trying to breath and feel like I was going to pass out, then realize that I had been holding by breath trying to catch up to her and help her out. It was the worst feeling ever. We moved to NC and she grew out of her respiratory illnesses within two years. I do know how lucky I am. I realize that there are many out there that deal with these issues and lots worse everyday forever. But you know as I do that when its your child, the world fades into the sidelines.....and there we are, in the sidelines.
I rarely call those memories to the surface until she is sick and those come bubbling up to the surface and there I am trying to cuddle my very tall 10 year old as she stares at me to make it better. She doesn't even realize that she has gotten too big for me to sufficiently snuggle her in my arms and on my lap anymore, but neither of us really cares.
The greatest feeling is having her wiggle and move her little self up beside me with her shoulder under my arm and her head on my shoulder and off we go to dreamland, where laps are always big enough and arms are just right and the snuggles are the best in the world. Memories that I hope she has of her childhood.....
I praise God for the blessings of my children and the wonderful memories I have so far in their lives and the ones to come. Thanks, God!
I pray for a rapid recovery for my little one as she heads to bed soon, tucked away under the covers dreaming of the perfect day in her little life. No doubt full of creepy crawleys, friends and an occasional snuggle or two.
Sweet dreams darlin'!
3 comments:
Oh goodness, I'm am praying for a quick recovery too.
Poor girl, good thing she has a Mama who cares so much.
I think that's part of what makes young girls into moms - watching their babies struggle with illness and knowing that only time and prayer will heal and after everything you do, sometimes it's just not enough. You want to take their suffering on yourself, and yet you can't. I hope your baby gets better soon.
We love our little Sarah. I pray that she will recover soon...never stop snuggling. Snuggled Syd last night after she talked to her dad. Snuggling cures so much...because it is so full of love. Snuggle up to God and feel the amazing love. You need snuggling too. I love you!!!!!
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