To Mrs. Garden Owner

Dear Nice Lady,


Thank you so much for your recent correspondence regarding our community currently residing in your neighborhood.  We regret to inform you, however, that we have no intention of leaving this fine place you and your neighbors call home.  Oh, to frolic in your lush green lawns tormenting your canine friends and tasting the richness of your newly planted flower beds!  We had our attorney, Peter Rabbit, LLC, look over your letter and it seems its full of loopholes and you have no grounds to force us to leave.  


On a brighter note, I would like to give thanks for the amazing fence you installed around your garden.  This allows us to eat until our bellies are full and we aren't distracted by those pesky barking creatures.  It does keep them out successfully which, I'm sure, is what your goal was in installing the fence.  We also appreciate the care and thought you put into the wide variety of plants you cultivated this year.  According to my doctor I was needing more dark leafy greens in my diet to avoid any genetic heart conditions from worsening.  I do love me some spinach!  


I have a suggestion or two when you are maintaining your garden this summer.  The ants are everywhere and my wife can't stand creepy crawly things, so if you could find an organic way of eradicating them as to not poison my children in the process that would be great.  Also, if you don't mind watering a little earlier in the morning so that it is drier when the kids are feasting.  They have been returning home with muddy feet and tracking in dirt everywhere, making for an unhappy wife.  You know what they say, "unhappy wife, unhappy life."  


Thank you  for YOUR prompt attention to these matters.  We'll be in touch!  And thanks for such a warm welcome to the neighborhood, I'm sure you didn't mean to sound so negative.


By the way, the Mrs. has made a scrumptious carrot cake and would like to bring it by when it's convenient.


Sincerely,
Mr. and Mrs. Bun E. Rabbit and family