Fear and Trembling

Isn't it funny (funny, odd, not funny, ha, ha) how fear RULES our world? "What If" the stock market falls, he crashes on his bike, the wind picks up, it snows while we're here, my heart gets broken, I'm rejected.....I have cancer. What if....what if.....what.....if......Fear plays a huge part in how we move, live, speak, play, love. I've tried to be a parent who embraces all...I try not to pass on my reluctancy in certain situations to my kids. I do not want them to have a fear brought on by me. Fear of heights, fear of rejection, etc. There are definitely lots of creepy, crawly things that show up in my life that I must embrace and encourage the curiosity and learn more about them. God created all things. My new mantra.
I wrenched my back a week or so ago and wake up every day in slow motion. Not for sharp needles of pain, but for the constant dull chronic pain of an injury that I still have no idea what it is....therefore fear of having the pain so intense again. I then received some news from the doc that this foreign object in my neck will need to be biopsied. The dreaded word...biopsy. Bringing all sorts of conotations to mind as to the definition of the lump. All research is completely positive as to the statistical outcome of said lump. But as for all statistics, by definition there is a percentage to the contrary. That is what I do not want to focus on. I am trying to remain realistic and smart, but not allowing negativity into my thoughts, if that even makes sense to those reading this. I do not live an organic, nontoxic lifestyle...in other words I live outside the bubble. So I am perfectly aware of the odds I have placed on my health to go either way. Fear, hmmm, is it playing a part? Of course it is. It's like getting on a roller coaster and then being absolutely terrified of the ride until you stop. White nuckled, holding on, looking around to see when I vomit who will bear the brunt of my lunch, trying to tame the swarm of fireflies taking flight in my belly and toes. My coaster car is click, click, clicking slowly, agonizingly up the chain, the fear mounting as we reach the top knowing that it will be a wild ride once the horizon is fully visible. I'm not scared of the big "C", I am fearful of the situation I have placed my family and friends in. Fear comes from the unknown, ignorance, complete denial, etc. I plan on smartin' up on the whole thing and trying to be well versed in my life. What a concept. I read recently that if we constantly compare ourselves to our old past lives wishing things would stay the same we will be asking ourselves to do the impossible, but if we look at where we are in our lives today by celebrating the accomplishments along the way. "Look how far we've come since last year!" Not what if I have cancer, but look at where I am in my life now to handle this little detail! God knows what he's doing without consulting me, thank goodness for all of you!
There is no fear in the kingdom mentality! It's not about me, or you, or our fears. It is about getting busy doing the work for the kingdom that God has commanded and doing it every moment of every day. Thank you God for the gift of suffering, so that I may cherish those times of no suffering even more. Read Matthew 28 and know that He is with you ALWAYS!