My husband and I have been eating our latest book finds! They are scrumptious and filling, but still leave you hungry for God's word in an awesome way. It has sparked some heavy discussion about our spiritual journeys, thus far. But books are not what this post is about! You can find that post here.
Watching my husband these last few years in this amazing transformation before my eyes and my heart has made me keenly aware. While he is talking of God's love and the presence of the Holy Spirit and praying for our homeschool and planning field trips and bible curriculum I stand beside him with my mouth open on the inside, so as not to appear obvious in my shock. Not bad shock, but overwhelmingly good shock. You see, God has revealed to me for my viewing pleasure, hindsight. Not very often do we remember where we've been, what it felt like then, what we longed for so much our stomachs hurt, but I got to go there this past week.
There I was, years ago, standing beside the bed once again wondering when he would rise, not just from the bed but from this ugly, dark sludge of a depression that would not let go. It was sticky and heavy and pitch black. I remember thinking and praying for him to want something, anything. I remember wanting him to be the dad I knew he was, the one God made him to be. I remember wanting him to want me. I remember the whole heartache of doing it myself. Then, I remembered where I really was, at home in 2010 beside my husband again listening to the most beautiful words coming from his heart. It was like a forward winding of our life years later and boom! We're here and now! What an awesome image for God to reveal to my heart. It was eerily real, being back in that room in Colorado. Then to fly ahead as if in fast motion to the here and now. Thank you, God, for the work you've done in him. Thank you, God, for the work you've done in me.
I don't ever want to forget where we've come from. I don't want to ever take God's work for granted. My patience and David's patience with me through our lives together. God has created such a beautiful, graceful union between us that I will always be humbled by it. God lives and moves and breathes in this marriage with us. Although, hindsight was hard to once again be a part of, I wouldn't change that moment for the world because it's made me so keenly aware of how we couldn't have gotten through everything thus far without the profound love of an Almighty Father!
Psalm 139:1-14
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
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