Sunday, July 11, 2010

What tubal ligation and Satanic practices have in common

Almost 11 years ago, my husband and I, with no counseling or basically no thought to it, decided that we didn't want anymore children.  I honestly don't think we really even talked much about it.  It was more like a conversation on the same intensity of what to buy at the grocery store.  We were so grown up back then....NOT.  We thought we'd take control of that by having the doctor's nip and tuck a little on my fallopian tubes after my daughter was born.  I must say for me it was great the first few months knowing that the percentage of me walking out of my master bedroom (or the kitchen for that matter) and being pregnant was pretty insignificant.   Thank you!  No more babies!  We have 5 and yes, we know what causes that.  Anyway, I really thought it was nothing major doing that to my body.

(Satanic laugh inserted here) Hahahahahahahaha (throwing head back with wild look in my eyes).

WTfrick!  All you ladies out there who have had this done and didn't tell or run yelling and screaming to let me know what this was going to mean should be ashamed of yourselves!  There was nothing really physically wrong with me to warrant me having to not go through another pregnancy, besides my vanity and just plain inconvenience being in question.

Now, in my defense, having had 5 kids in a 10 year period didn't leave much time to PMS much around my hubby and kids.  I only remember that I wasn't very hard to live with altogether during those times.  BUT.....after my "operation" I started noticing changes in my mood.  Of course, like any natural girl going through PMS, you just blame it on everyone else's attitudes and inability to compromise.  But you don't understand really.  I could honestly take down Switzerland with this bad boy every month.  No, really, I know they are a neutral country, but one round of PMS with me while visiting there, they would be a changed place.  I could melt snow off the alps with this attitude.  And all in the name of PMS.  Hey that gets ladies off of the death penalty from what I hear!  When that comes on in my house you can hear the footsteps clamor for the closest dark room where they can't be found by me.  Of course, there is a reasoning for my over dramatizations and it's pretty much someone else's fault and I can prove it.  I can totally validate my point of view and don't even dare to mention that maybe I should rethink this in a few days when this "pms" thing blows over cause then you're going down!

The bad thing is that I can feel it coming.  I can tell when the @#$% is gonna hit the fan and I pretty much can't stop it, plus I just don't care.  I can tear you to pieces and while you lay comatose in your hospital bed a few days later can visit you and bring you flowers and read the comics section of the paper like nothing happened.

Why a few cauterized sections of my innerds would change my behavior is beyond me.  Plus, I just don't care what you think.  Yes, I do, no, I don't, hell, I don't know.  Check back with me in a few days!

5 comments:

soph1218 said...

Oh you can make me laugh! PMS (Satan within us) exists in us as long as we are not pregnant. Is it really the ligation's fault? Doubt it. LOL

I always thought pregnancy was the cure for PMS but how many kids would I have to have to keep the monster (PMS) at bay? Tubal ligations, partial hysterectomies all have the same effect, once a month we morph into the most unbearable creatures. Now for me the only thing left to hope for is menopause, what a great adventure that will be! NOT.

I think the native American's had the right idea, seclusion of the women during menstruation.

Jen said...

I'm a little bit jealous of you right now...oddly enough

Elizabeth said...

it's REAl it's a syndrome you can read all about it. http://posttuballigationsyndrome.blogspot.com/ here and a thousand other sites. happy bitchin

Michelle said...

Good gracious, I have PMS and none of my innards have been tinkered with...can't help but giggle...

mormonhermitmom said...

Oh yeah, I hear you. My mantra those days becomes, "Self, shut up. Self, shut up. Self, shut up."
I know I say the worst things at that time so I try to say nothing.

Now if my hubby would just realize the "silent treatment" is for his own protection...

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