16 years ago

Broke, as usual. But we didn't care. We loved each other so much that when I found out I was pregnant AGAIN, it was such a celebration of life, love, marriage and family. It was a great pregnancy until the 8 1/2 month. I had a blood vessel burst in the back of my eye that hindered my vision, making it impossible for me to drive, and according to the OB, impossible for me to push during labor. Hmmmmm........so epidural, no pain, hardly any pushing? I'm there!

The little monkey was due on Christmas day, but supposedly because of my complication, the Dr. wanted to induce on the 20th. You see, my other two boys were born on their due dates. I think the OB wanted to be home for Christmas....just sayin'. It was an ice storm that day. My OB stayed on the phone at the nurses' station long enough that my sis in law who was also a labor and delivery nurse (at a different hospital) almost caught him!

Elijah Duncan Price.... and the hair! The combination of gallons of medium Pace salsa and Tums makes for lots of hair on your baby. Just thought I'd throw in that tip. I craved salsa like nobody's business. He, now, eats more salsa than anyone I know. It's true. Pace will never go out of business.

Although he had a rough start as a baby and toddler with colic, ear infections, allergies, tubes in the ears, etc., he has grown up into the most wonderful 16 year old I know. He has eyelashes longer than any superficial ones on the super models today. He has a heart for Christ that is growing and evolving daily. He is a beautiful spirit. He is Elijah. He is 16 today. He is one of the loves of my life. Happy Birthday, Lij!

Poser, that's me!

Here's the thing about Christmas for me, it makes me take inventory every year of what we have and don't have and what we may need and what we don't need. Santa is out. He has been for a long time in our household. As a matter of fact, since my first child was born, I've always been leery of bringing the word "Santa" in the house. Why start something that later will just be so confusing to them when they try to reconcile Jesus, the reason for the season, and Santa. But in doing my annual "Santa bashing" I have come to the realization that I am just a hefty jolly poser myself.

I'll wait........

No, really go ahead......

(At this point you're either laughing at the fact that I'm just now realizing this myself whilst you knew all along, or you are in shock and disbelief because I have succeeded in pulling the wool over your eyes this whole time.)

You see, I have been a bah-humming when it comes to gift giving at Christmas. I just felt like it had taken over my whole spirit of the birth of my savior that I hated to shop and disliked the wrapping of gifts and well basically thought that it was all just a superficial act of commercialism that I had trained my kids to take part in. Some kids, not my own, would pitch a fit and throw a temper tantrum if they didn't get the right gift for Christmas. No really, like, "Ok dear, no we'll go exchange it right now, I promise, I'm so sorry I ruined your Christmas honey." Seriously? Anyway, enough of that.

I have written a script for our Christmas eve drama at church, nothing major, just lots of scripture and exchange of words telling the Christmas story. I did some research on different ways of giving and what they meant and what God asks of us at this time of year, yadda, yadda, yadda. Honestly, it was just to make sure I wasn't messing up the whole thing, 'cause somehow I doubted my interpretation of it all. I have learned a lot through this whole process.

God not only gave the ultimate gift but he did so in order to come down and interact with us humans in a way that we could become closer to him. Understanding him better. We've dissected, argued, written volumes of concordances, churches split, denominations pitted against one another and just down right made fools of ourselves and our God in the process. It's simple really. God gave in order for us to live. He expects us to give likewise. Unselfishly of ourselves in time, talent and gifts. But he expects it to be our best, like he gave his best. Hmm. Well, so no more half way? I can't get away with getting by anymore? Man! It's a scary process for me. I have my hand in every pot I can find. Why? I like to stay busy? No, what I wouldn't do for a month off of life................. I like to see things succeed. I like to see friends and families be productive members of society, but based solely on my opinion of what that might be. You see, I am always volunteering or coming up with new things at church to fill in a gap that "I" feel is lacking in certain areas. This has consumed me physically and spiritually, no, not spiritually, but religiously. It's different. If it was spiritual I wouldn't have gotten myself so deep in "stuff to do". So I have decided to trim off the excess fat and start my spiritual exercise routine. I am a very unhealthy person right now, both spiritually and physically. I need to be feeding on the Word and listening to my God and stop starving myself of him and start doing what is best for me so that I can do what is best for those around me, like my friends and family. Which is a good start for making a difference in the world.

Some of you may think, well, duh...... And it should be easy to do that. I am not a homebody, it actually pains me to think of being here day in and day out cleaning and cooking and being Mrs. Omartian. Don't like it. Don't feel it. So this transformation and this revelation in my life, albeit life changing, is not something I am doing out of excitement or elation or "oh, goody a new mop", it's out of survival. Not my survival, but out of the survival of my relationship with the outside world. I don't like being around lazy people, basically it ticks me off, causing me to not love those that God created and not fulfilling the ultimate gift of what God has asked which is loving all of those he created in order to give my best.

Yea, I'm weird, I know that. I've known for a long time. It all sounds so conceptual that it's frankly hard to follow.

David, the dude in the bible who became king at one point, was one messed up dude. But he knew that he must always give his best when it came to God. Esther was the same way. She gave what took a long time to make. I do convenience. Oil that takes months to make? No way. WalMart. And the widow that gave the most by giving her all. These are examples from which I should glean and learn.

Consider praying for me please. Whatever it may be...."please make her stop blogging randomly" or "Lord, help her find herself in you" or just "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." He'll get the message. He already knows the answer and the path I will take.

Dear Lord, I pray for my friends and family during this season. Help them to know how much I love them by my giving of my best. Lord help me to give unselfishly of myself not just now, but all through the year. Lord, help me on my quest to downsize, simplify, quit, say no, say yes, etc. Lord, I am your servant. AMEN!

Some more favs....

Sunrise at the beach. With coffee. And the Good Book.

The fall where orange fills the air

and becomes a feast for the eyes.

Good books that keep you oblivious

to your surroundings. She doesn't give a "Hoot".

Friends who love you because they do.

Friends you love because you do.

The biggest piece of chocolate cake ever!

Celebrating Beth's bday with girls night out

and PF Chang's vegetarian lettuce wraps and

this beauty! Yumm-O!

God has heaped blessings on my life daily. Thank you God for all you do for me. Thank you for my family and friends and my surroundings. Thank you.

And These Are A Few of My Favorite Things...

David, Eli, Sarah and I off to Bellingham for a little frisbee toss.

Ya'll just wish you had that right there!

That's my man! And yes, he rang the bell.

Not many could actually ring the bell. Hoo Ah!

Sarah's find on our hike at Moses Cone.

She's beautiful don't ya think?

Hmmm...I just love 'em that's all. I mean who else is gonna?

My baby boy. Not so baby anymore. Phooey!

Dang it! That face and those eyelashes

and that smile will get you every time.

No, really, every time! Just try to look away.

Oh, how she loves her brother. Oh, how he loves his Sarah! Priceless.

And then there is my daughter from another mother! Actually she belongs to my brother, but she and I have very similar twisted personalities! Check out her photos here. You'll be dazed and amazed. She's crazy and beautiful and just crazy beautiful! She makes us laugh..... alot. As if we don't get enough of that!

There are so many more of my favorite things that I will be posting between now and Christmas.....

May God bless you this season and always! Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus!

Now I know!

I know now why I have been so skeptical of telling others from the mountain top that I am a homeschool mom. Almost like a 12 step program, I have been in denial. But, there may be something to my denial.

This is the first year of my involvement in a homeschool group. I have needed it for a long time. Some sort of support to say, "Yes, I am crazy and so are the rest of you. Don't we all feel better now that we've admitted that?" Just some sort of proof that there are other not-so-stable parents out there trying to give their kids an opportunity to be educated at home.

You know for the most part this works out pretty well. I have rarely ever seen the species of children most outsiders talk about and fear the most in a restaurant.

Until ... tonight.

Yes, there I was at the craft table admiring the artwork of my friends beautifully behaved daughter of 5, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted the rare creature. Her eyes filled with the burnt red hue of rage and anger, her mouth filled with putrid back talk and her limbs forked at her sides hands tightly attached to her hips as if to say, "Hold up!"

sidenote: I always take pleasure in how our kids display behavior of us,

the parents, in a large audience. But this time, thank you Jesus, it wasn't my own offspring. This time.

Quite humbling.

Anyway, apparently I was trespassing within the boundaries of the "paint your own Christmas decoration" bubble. As I slowly turned trying to avert my eyes to the live nativity scene, I realized my movements were not quick enough and the creature had me frozen like stone.

"THAT'S MINE!

YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT!

I WAS PAINTING THAT!"

I had not realized that my stance in observing one of God's graceful creatures had put me too close to the ornament belonging to this little darling. "Oops! Sorry, I swear I wasn't going to touch it. Please have mercy on my soul! Don't eat me!" Ok, I didn't say that, but I did apologize and move with the agility of a gazelle for fear of the creatures parental unit might make a move on me. All eyes had turned my direction in the room, but I quickly turned as though I was looking at someone else who must have done it, not me.

Whew! Crisis averted....

Off to the next craft table where the mothers are fighting over who gets the glue gun next..... Because crafts and homeschooling our little angels are fun!

Bless 'em Lord, bless 'em.

No really, bless 'em Lord! AMEN!

Time to be the "older women"

"I don't want to grow up I'm a toys r us kid". How many of you remember that slogan for the toys r us commercial? I sing it like a mantra most of my adult life. Growing up has always been scary and daunting and, well, just seemed down right boring, like you just gave up and now.....you're old.

However, I have realized more of late that I have enough gray hair oozing out of my follicles to justify me being in the old club. Don't get you're granny panties in a wad, I'm not saying you're old if you have gray hair. What I am saying is that my maturity (or lack there of) is staring back at me in the mirror, or being pointed out by my closest family and friends.

My bestest girlfriends that I love dearly are a living example of the following verse in Titus:

Titus 2: 3 - 5

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

You see, there are 18 years between the youngest and oldest of our threesome and the one in the middle is ten years older than the younger and, well, if you can do math, 8 years younger than the oldest. Anyway, sometimes in the group we change roles. Like the younger one acts and is more mature than the other two, and vice versa at other times.

I have been convicted in reading this passage because I have always considered myself to be the "younger women" in this verse. Like I would never grow up and have to take on the responsibility, God given as it may be, to be the "older women". But now, I think I must face the fact that even if I remain young at heart and bubbly and lively and outgoing that I must also incorporate "reverence, self-control, purity, busy at home, etc." to my grown up repertoire. Although, I don't ever think I will lose my sense of humor or tone down my personality, I can certainly be more aware of the "younger women" in the room and still live a very Christian life within the boundaries of the "older women" example set forth in the Word.

Our group of three has friends on either side of our age that we converse with and glean from and pray, worship, love with, so there are plenty of opportunities for the body of Christ to be always teaching and learning and growing and moving from one generation to the other in our spiritual growth.

Dear God, I pray that I will be a living example of the "older women" and an anxious learning spirit of the "younger women" and continue to grow in love with you. Please continue to remain patient with me and show mercy and grace when I slip up and act like a child or when I give up and act as though its my last days and I'm just too tired. Lord, be with my friends wherever they are in my chronological line of comrades and help us to grow together in love for you and your glory. Jesus, I love ya! Happy Birthday this Christmas season! Amen!!!

Ewwww....not really.

So, I love this blog. Go there and see her beautiful pictures and her inspiring words. I have been following this one for a while. She's a smart beautiful southern lady that has great taste. so when she decided to stop washing her face, I was there. I thought, well if she's gonna jump over that cliff, then it must be a wonderful idea. Let me tell ya....it was!

I have been using this OCM for cleaning my face since Nov. 20 and I absolutely love it! Not only that, but as I was researching her blog links on the how-to's of the OCM I discovered the no shampoo method for my hair. This one was like, "Hmmm, ewww. Well, why not?!" I'm into doing it just because I want to see if it really works. It works, it's cheap and really great for my hair. I'm a stickler about my hair. I don't like to do anything with it, so if it is time intensive or do intensive then I'll pass. This actually makes it so much easier to mess with my hair and takes it less time to actually dry as well. I got my sister hooked and my friend Liz. It really is a great way to treat your hair. It's amazing how much more body and how less oily it was. I have been using 1Tbs. of baking soda and a cup of water and using just a little for each wash. It lasts about 4 days for me and my long curly hair.

My hair is so thick and curly that I was a skeptic on whether this would work or not. Since Nov. 20.....no shampoo, no conditioner. You don't have to wash it every day either. Same with the OCM, as a matter of fact I only use it 2 or 3 times a week depending on my make up usage.

I like it. Back to simple, natural goodness.

May your day be blessed with simple goodness and blessings abounding! Merry Christmas!

Cloning?

OK, so my sister spent some time here staying at my house before Thanksgiving. Here is what I learned:

1. My house is a disaster most of the time.

2. My sister doesn't care, she knows we live here. I love her.

3. I am not as against cloning as I once thought. She and I were a force to be reckoned with when it came to getting ALL of the laundry done AND put away and getting the kitchen done and the floors and etc. I think I want her to live with me now. I love her.

4. I love my big sister, but I didn't learn that just now, I already knew.

5. She is the strongest woman alive! Not physically, although I think I could take her, but mentally. I love her.

Clipped?

So, let me just start off by saying how much I have loathed the idea of coupon clipping. I hate(d) it.

My mom used to clip those things and file them away and dig through them for hours before going shopping. ARGH! I hated cutting all those coupons with the knowledge that a lot of them would never be used. Now, well, I've changed my mind. You see, my much more patient sister in law, Jules is an extreme couponer. Now some may think this is a dorky title for one who clips coupons, but she has saved her family $$$thousands$$$$ of dollars this year alone by doing the coupon thing. It's not your mother's couponing, girls. This is new age coupons.

At first, I thought I was gonna poke my eyes out trying to figure this thing out. It's really quite a simple process. You have to prepare yourself by stocking up on the Sunday paper coupon inserts and any other coupons you come in contact with by mail, online or at the store in the booklets and on the shelves themselves.

Ok, getting down to business. I shopped at Food Lion and at Harris Teeter yesterday. Unfortunately, I cannot find my Food Lion receipt that I have saved in my "safe place" to tell you what the details of my trip were, but I can give you approximates. At Food Lion I paid out of pocket (oop) $51+ and used coupons and value card and saved $40+. What I would've spent $91+ dollars on I spent $51. Get it? So, I saved approx. 44% on my groceries. Holy moley!

Then, on my trip to Harris Teeter I spent oop $105.76 and saved with q's and value card $86.13. So, when I would've spent $191.89 on my groceries without q's, I actually saved 45% and spent only $105.76. I am now rethinking my coupon disdain and thinking that I am going to follow Jules a little more closely.

If you are interested in saving some dough please go to my sis-in-law's blog and feel free to ask questions of her or me and we will get you started out. I am by no means close to saving what my sil does, but I am on my way to saving a bundle! It's quite exciting!

God bless your money saving adventures whatever they may be!

And this should explain it

I have made a pact with my sister in VA that I will try to lose weight with her. We're both overweight, but more noticeably unhealthy and that's what we're tired of. Of course, I hate that I gained weight back after losing 26+ pounds when faced with the possibility of the "c" word. I said I was fine and even voiced how I knew God's hand was

in my life and I would be ok either way the tests came out. However, I was saying that and shoving those 26+ pounds back on thanks to my stress, and oh yea, a big ole Too Much Chocolate Cake recipe (thanks Beth and Beff! JK!).

So, I'm tired of myself and my inabilities to follow through on certain things in my life because this holds me back. God has a plan for me and I can't get into the uniform, so I am changing that. I know I can, I know how, I know the in's and out's, I know what causes it, I know the math, I know I can do this thing. I would like to ask all of you to pray for me and my sister.

You see, my sister is the strongest woman I know. She is the mother of three and is an army wife. Her husband is an officer with the Army Reserve and is in charge of a unit right now in Baghdad. His third deployment since 9/11, and his second to Iraq. She has no stress. HA! She took her oldest to college without her husband, she does EVERYTHING, EVERYDAY by herself, just like thousands of other wives and husbands all over this country do. But she's MY sister. She needs to not have this to worry about. Feeling better about ourselves, feeling healthier is the goal. So, we've decided to take this thing head on and get over ourselves and do what God has placed on our hearts.

Now to the details......oh, you thought those were details? Oh my, this must be your first time reading my posts.

I have been trying to work in some sort of exercise each day, if at all possible. My daughter has suddenly taken on the desire to get in shape as well. She asked yesterday if she could go running. She's 10. I said, "no". She's 10. But we did compromise on a walk to the park with everybody that was home and took a frisbee and played around for a while and walked home.

Today, she wanted to walk again. Who knew my personal trainer was a 10 yo mouthy tomboy?! Just like her father! Except he's not 10 or a girl, so yea... So we walk, to the park. I decided at this point that I am feeling good and am ready to do it! I said, "Let's run, then walk, then run, then walk, over and over, like intervals." She was totally game! She's skipping as I'm running, little creep! Just kidding...I love her. It was a moment of wheezing weakness. My knees felt ok, my heart wasn't pounding the life out of my lungs, I was good. After the second interval I realized that something, something was awry. I walked a bit, then off to run. There it was again. What is that? I'm not running through the brush, but something keeps smacking me in the face! Ok, not really but it felt like it could. I didn't remember strapping on a feed bag before I left. No boxing gloves tied around my neck. What could it be?

You see, five kids later, 45+ pounds overweight, all that excess has to go somewhere. It did. In my braziere, my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder! My over-inflated baby feeders had gotten out of control! Seriously? Seriously! Have you ever tried running with your arms crossed on your chest? It's weird. Odd. But I figure it would save me from having to explain to my husband why I have two black eyes.

I've researched what I need. I found it. I don't think it's worth losing weight to have. Although, cheaper than a treadmill. Investment? You decide:

The Last Resort

Thank goodness it's cheaper online! It's $114.00 in the catalog! It is 5 barbell rated! Whatever the heck that means! If you click on the link you must read the reviews.

This getting in shape thing is expensive!

Please dear Lord, help me through this. I've tried and failed so many times. Please help my sister through this as well. We want to be healthy. Place your mercy upon us! Help this time go by fast. AMEN!!!!

For you, you know who you are

No, I don't think so, yes, I do....

Why do I conform to the conversation of the day? What is it about me that thinks being on both sides of the fence is a good thing? Sometimes my emotional state of the day puts me in the mode of wanting to be pleaser to everyone in everything. "I am very confused." That's how I should've started my input into the conversation.

My church is struggling right now. Our pastor is on sabbatical, our giving has been down for months with the economy the way it is, everyone is sad...... For months now, I have been contemplating our contribution to the church and if we are in the right place for us. Of course, I should probably be leaning more towards where God wants our family to be. We do both sides of the fence. We participate in another church's programs for our kids and etc. because our church doesn't do "programs". Don't get me wrong, we have a youth ministry that my kids attend, but it's a separate group from the church. It's weird really. Not the youth group, the way our church handles programs that we don't call programs. The leaders of these programs are encouraged to do it, but not supported by the church in commitment or attendance. Like "isn't that cute they're doing a women's ministry. It's darling, but I'm not going." I use to know how I felt about this, now I'm waivering. What to do..... our children really like our church worship service, but love to participate in the other church where their friends are attending. I often feel as though I could use a break from EVERYTHING and

melt into the background of this other church. That's when I start to question my motives of moving to another church. Why? What is the purpose? Have I done what I've been asked to do at my church? Am I running from my responsibilities because it's too hard, too inconvenient, too.....what? Am I conforming to the way other Christian brothers and sisters see their journey? I loathe conformity.

Hmmmm...I don't hear me talking much about God's glory here. I thought I was living for that? What am I teaching my children? What the heck am I doing? I'll tell you what I'm doing, I'm getting on my knees for this church. I'm asking for wisdom beyond understanding to know what I need to be doing.

I love my church family. I feel God moving within our small but dysfunctional group. What next? How is God gonna work through this time of weirdness at our worship center?

Dear Lord, please grant me the wisdom, the supernatural wisdom, to know where to place my feet step after step. I want to worship you. I want to glorify you. I don't want to step out on convenience and ooey gooey feelings. I want to experience you in a different way. I'll promise to be a servant while I wait, God. Thank you God for your mercy and grace.

Mediocrity

So, mediocre... what is it? Is it a vegetable, no that's okra..... Is it a color? Is it a state of being? Is it a lifestyle? Could it be you? Could it be your work environment? Could it be your worship environment? Is it not worth discussing? It's just too demanding and hard to fix so let's just leave it and get away from this situation. And thus, mediocrity grows ten-fold. It's a tricky little disease. It gets in without anyone knowing it and starts to eat away at you, your friends, your environment and before you know it, it has taken over.

In the world today, so many are used to getting something for nothing. Not having to sacrifice time or talent to obtain much. It's a practice that has marinated our souls deep into our beings becoming a part of who we are in every aspect of our lives. The bible gives instruction on quality when it comes to living our lives as Christ did, but we don't follow completely. We make adjustments, justifications, etc. according to the differences in biblical times and modern times and the differences between cultures and denominations. It remains the same no matter what time period or cultural background you hail from. God wants your all. God wants your best. God wants you to bring it. Can you imagine if a starting quarterback for an NFL team showed up to Monday Night Football and just said, "You know coach, I just don't feel like it tonight. I mean, I'll go out there and throw it, but don't ask me to do anything else, I just don't want to. I specifically had it written in my contract that if I totally don't feel like playing that I can play the worst game ever and you still pay me millions. Got it?" Hmmmm. I don't know if that is too far fetched really.

It starts within your heart. I'm sorry, let me say it again...it starts within YOUR heart. Let it get your blood pumping when you don't bring your best to throw yourself on the floor and beg for mercy and forgiveness for not bringin' it to the field. We're not messing around here anymore. Jesus DIED for you. Jesus didn't take a hangnail for you and me, he DIED, and I can't seem to bring myself to bring my best to the table? What the stars is wrong with me? Besides monthly hormones and the obvious physical hurdles, I should want to lose weight and be the healthiest disciple I should be for the one who died for me to be fat. Seriously? Why am I so ok with mediocrity? Why do I refuse to do anything about my own mediocrity while pointing out others mediocre leadership? I cannot do anything about them except live my life in such a way that striving to do excellence becomes the goal and not just being mediocre because that's what everyone is doing so it must be ok. Surely excellence breeds excellence at a higher rate of speed and metabolic rate than mediocrity does, right? Let's give it a try, shall we? We must be very careful to not be so ok with mediocre that those around us assume that it is what life is all about. If I continue to speak the hope of the Jesus Christ in my life but continue to be less than what God has gifted me to be, then my hope is not in Him, but in me. Do I really think that God doesn't know or doesn't care that I don't bring it?

I will stand no longer for the lie that its ok for me to justify why I don't bring my best to the throne room. I will no longer keep becoming this half done Christian. No more mediocre motivational speaker. I want to do my best, and to be honest with myself and my God about what my best really is. I want to check in with the coach upstairs and make sure I am leaving no stone unturned for any reason. I have been given a commission, a GREAT one. My Christ died for me to follow Him and His will not my own. People are lost because I have turned out the light during the darkest times.

Dear God please forgive me! Thank you for your mercy and grace in my absent mindedness. Lord, don't let another person pass my way without knowing the hope and peace that lies within you. Help me to bring it every time. Help me to know that even in my down days that I can still bring my best for you. My best is not perfect, I know that. My best is different from my friends' best, please help me not to compare. Lord, my best is what you deserve. I am so sorry for keeping it from you and your work and your will and your lost sheep. Here I am Lord, use me!

Philippians 4:8

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

^{I Chronicles 21: 22-24}

²² David said to him, "Let me have the site of your threshing floor so I can build an altar to the LORD, that the plague on the people may be stopped. Sell it to me at the full price." ²³ Araunah said to David, "Take it! Let my lord the king do whatever pleases him. Look, I will give the oxen for the burnt offerings, the threshing sledges for the wood, and the wheat for the grain offering. I will give all this." ²⁴ But King David replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing."

Beautiful, cause that's the only way to say it

There are many things around each and every one of us that are aesthetically beautiful. God has painted a palette of color and has danced them around in all things that we can see everyday. We often take those things for granted, until they change colors and become something we overlooked previously. Fall leaves, butterflies, etc.

Sometimes we have to look beyond the obvious, but the beauty still remains. Two of my bestest peoples in my life happened to be married to each other. They, by themselves, are attractive, Godly, great people. They, as a single married unit, are one of the most stunningly beautiful creations I've ever seen. Knowing them for several years I've seen them go from irritating each other worse than poison ivy to only being able to bloom in each others presence. E & B have crawled around in the ditches of life with each other, succumbed to the chrysalis of being one and have emerged as a wonderful reminder of what marriage is.

B talks about his wife in such a sweet manner. Holding her up in a light of respect and it's so obvious his love for her. And E is quite an amazing wife. She being a vegetarian and allergic to dairy oddities cooks for he and the kids such amazing courses of food daily, containing things she can't or choses not to consume. She nurtures, teaches, loves so unselfishly. Granted we all have our moments of fit and turmoil, but she knows....she loves, she does it so well. B talks about how wonderful his wife is when it comes to their marriage, she let's nothing tear it up. Nothing. We can all let things come between us sometimes.... "E lets us fight about it and argue, then NEVER again is it EVER brought up. The fight is fought all of the way through right then and there. No questions asked and then I never have to worry that it will come between us again, because she knows and doesn't let it penetrate our solid marriage again." The way he talks about her and she about him is a testimony to how they have let God paint their marriage. Beauty people. Beautiful love in a beautiful marriage. God is the center there and it shows.

Sometimes we must look deeply around us in the nooks and crannies of our lives to understand beauty on a much deeper dimension than we're used to. Peering around the peeling colors of fall, into the icy blues and crisp grays of winter to realize that beauty lies deep within our lives and those relationships around us. My marriage outnumbers theirs by three times as long. I am still waiting to paint the picture of love and beauty that they do. It's not in your face, it's not a constant reminder of how I have failed, but a slow, steady, warm cup of cinnamon tea that encourages me to be a better wife and mother. Beauty.

The chicken or the egg?

Being a part of a small church has pretty much been my life. I have never been a member of a really large place, not out of dislike, but just wasn't where God led me to be I guess. I love my church and its people dearly. This is a hard economic time and like small businesses everywhere our small church has its belt tightening going on. So there are still the calls for us to move and grow and invite and encourage others to know Jesus in a very personal way. As we prepare our church building and its inhabitants it all becomes cloudy and gray to some. "Why must we paint? Why must we plant flowers? Why must we _______________? Don't you know we have a crisis here?" It's so hard to continue to be active in our lives when the world around us is falling apart and losing ground financially. I can definitely think of better ways to spend "my" money....if it was truly mine. But God calls on us to do His work and His will with His money. In all honesty, it's not nearly as much about the money as it is the heart. Alright already, moving forward, moving on.

I was listening to a pastor last night preaching on being caught in a "growth" seminar at a church early on in his career. So, he was young and considered not-so-smart yet and well, mouthy. He saw that the seminar took an odd turn from growth for the church body to growth for the church's bottom line. He asked the pastor who was teaching, "so if we evangelize to the community and 1000 people give their lives to Christ, would we still be ok if they decided to go to a different church? I mean, Jesus still wins right?" The seminar was over at that point for this young pastor. He moved on. He had more to do than to just sit in a seminar trying to figure out how to grow the bottom line.

So, do we sit and wait for those who need Christ to find us in our seminars or in a fetal position in the church sanctuary corner? Or do we become active in our communities and in our churches?

I'm done playing chicken!

I'm hungry for Christ, so scramble me some of them eggs would ya?

Irony

You're kidding right? Check out this article:

The Berlin Wall

I love U2 and am fairly certain Bono will have a statement. It'll be interesting to see how this plays out. If at all.

Sweet dreams.......

My sweet daughter is ill. Not bad attitude ill, but "I don't feel good mommy" ill. I hate it, no, double hate it when she's sick. Partly because she is my last one and my only girl and my baby forever and I don't want her to be sick, ever. Another part of me goes to a place of when she was born completely "wet" in her lungs and had to snort a nasal canula for a couple of days and then we had 5 years of upper respiratory distress, breathing treatments with albuterol that made her chest beat like an african tribal drum during some odd ritual. It was fast and hard and she would stare at us as if to say, "just make it better" but she hardly talked during thses times, she was too worn out.

I remember lying in the bed with her and listening to her trying to breath and feel like I was going to pass out, then realize that I had been holding by breath trying to catch up to her and help her out. It was the worst feeling ever. We moved to NC and she grew out of her respiratory illnesses within two years. I do know how lucky I am. I realize that there are many out there that deal with these issues and lots worse everyday forever. But you know as I do that when its your child, the world fades into the sidelines.....and there we are, in the sidelines.

I rarely call those memories to the surface until she is sick and those come bubbling up to the surface and there I am trying to cuddle my very tall 10 year old as she stares at me to make it better. She doesn't even realize that she has gotten too big for me to sufficiently snuggle her in my arms and on my lap anymore, but neither of us really cares.

The greatest feeling is having her wiggle and move her little self up beside me with her shoulder under my arm and her head on my shoulder and off we go to dreamland, where laps are always big enough and arms are just right and the snuggles are the best in the world. Memories that I hope she has of her childhood.....

I praise God for the blessings of my children and the wonderful memories I have so far in their lives and the ones to come. Thanks, God!

I pray for a rapid recovery for my little one as she heads to bed soon, tucked away under the covers dreaming of the perfect day in her little life. No doubt full of creepy crawleys, friends and an occasional snuggle or two.

Sweet dreams darlin'!

God is intentional

The road to H#$$ is paved with good intentions.....

What about the road to heaven?

I believe that it's paved with God intentions.

I kept receiving this overwhelming feeling on our beach extravaganza. God is intentional. All He does is intentional. How dare I question His plan, His presence, His motivation, Him. There are verses upon verses in the bible that reaffirm His presence in our lives every day. It even outlines many times over how we can pray, how we can reach out, how we can cry out, how we can groan. All with the result of a God who loves us beyond our comprehension and attends to our every need each day with discernment and grace and, thank you Jesus, mercy. His intentions are not on a whim. They were well thought out before I was a thought in the mind of my parents, or for that matter of their ancestors. God's got it all worked out. He's got my back. I am safe and secure in His arms no matter where I am or what dark corner I may have put myself in. Thank you God for your wonderful plan for me, whatever it may be! Thank you for even thinking about me and my life and how I can actually fit into your plan as tattered and odd I may be.

My life would be in a certain downward spiral if it weren't for the knowledge of God the Father, the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ who gave His LIFE for me. How dare I become down and embittered by my surroundings, by my own actions that put me here. Pray out of the ditches girl! Cry out! Groan for heaven's sake! God's got it. HALLELUJAH, IN THE NAME OF JESUS! (You have to say it like Les!) In the NAME of Jesus!

Bare, raw and hidden away

Like a cancer, dormant mostly,

When it flairs up it eats away at me,

I feed it poison and it goes away for now,

Leaving me swollen and bloated and sad.

Although I know the cure,

The answer lies within the Word,

The path is visible and well lit,

I just forgot my shoes and am fearful of stones.

God has promised good to me,

Why do I not trust more easily,

Why do I need reminding of His glory,

Why am I so damned entitled to get the answer?

My ears ring at the sound of a whisper

My heart aches at the thought of future breaks

I am feeding it again and only want to be free

How can I save myself from myself?

Only God knows how

Only God loves as He loves

Only God can do it

Only God.

Ok, so the women's retreat....

I have been putting off what to say here because I just don't think I can do it much justice. The third annual Women of Worship Beach Retreat took place at Ocean Isle Beach, NC on October 22-25, 2009. You may have felt the earth move that weekend and wondered what in the world was going on and I wanted you to wonder no longer.

Close to 40 women traveled from Ohio, Virginia, and various cities in North Carolina to participate in a Christian women's retreat. Noone argued, fought, pulled hair, made cat hissing noises or any of the like. The Holy Spirit dropped by for the weekend and surrounded us with an amazing glory unknown to any of us previous to this trip. A blessed time for us all.

Learning to live without the veils we tend to decorate ourselves with hiding our real selves from the outside world but also hiding God's glory living within each one of us that others can't see because of our veils. Learning to shed the cocoon and spread our wings like the beautiful butterflies we all are. Made in God's image, reflecting Christ's glory.

I am working through some things about myself that I have learned on this trip. Things I have known about me, but didn't really want to deal with fixing or praying for God to help fix. My fellow attendees on this trip were from 7 different churches and different denominations. Some were rather radical in their worship, some more subdued, some in the middle, and nobody cared that we were all in different places in our journeys and our worship styles. How wonderful.

God has such a way of gently bringing us into the throne room for a little chat. I have been pretty confident up to this point about my journey and the path that I am on. I found myself double checking myself and my relationship with the man upstairs during the weekend. I thought we were pretty close. As a matter of fact, I thought we were pretty tight. I have come to the realization that I have a lot to work on. I can no longer go through my days "pretending" that I am a Christian. Putting on my Christian face with the Christian makeup and the Christian clothes and living my Christian life without really living it to its fullest. I have so many doubts and questions. I, however, know that the answer is simple and the plan is easy to follow. It's the action of pursuing the activity that brings the answer into a clearer light for me. I'm a lazy follower. I want him to know what my "hallelujah" sounds like. What it looks like from me. Although the fact that I question what that will look like, feel like and sound like just makes it very clear on what an adolescent I am in my walk with Christ.

I am questioning my spirit, which is good and healthy for me. It's the most mature thing I've done in awhile to actually take part in my OWN journey. I am not looking forward to the things that God is going to work through in my life and what they may do to those around me. I don't believe it will feel very good in the midst but I know that I will ultimately be closer to my God that loves me no matter what.

None of us are here by chance. We all have a purpose one to the other. Our lives, past and present are to be lived to the glory of God and to be witnessed to others so that they see the hope and future that Christ has for each of us. I'm scared. I'm worried. I cry thinking about it, because I hate heartbreak and pain even when I know it will mean growth and salvation for someone.

Dear Heavenly Father, take it easy on me........please, just this once and I swear I'll live exactly as I should every day.......lol!

The beach was a magical time for me. Although questions remain in my own walk I would do it again right now. As a matter of fact, I am ready for next year! Bring on the sand! I am not done talking about this trip. Beware of more to come! LOL!

HALLELUJAH!